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Return To ShopWhy do couples sometimes get bored with sex?
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Why do couples who are deeply in love sometimes lose their “sexual interest” in each other after being together for a long time?
It’s not because they’re too familiar with each other; in terms of the quality of their sex life alone, couples who are familiar with each other tend to have a higher quality sex life.
It’s not because of age; people of any age can fall in love, and people in love will feel impulsive towards each other.
Dr. Ruth Westheimer is a renowned expert in sexual psychology. At 89 years old, she has provided psychotherapy to thousands of couples.
She discovered that what truly damages the quality of romantic relationships is ” boredom .”
If a couple is bored with their sex life, they are likely to be bored with each other in other ways as well.
Humans hate boredom the most. If a couple often feels bored when they are with each other, the relationship will go in a bad direction.
What should we do?
The areas that need improvement are not in bed, but in life outside of bed.
The first step in combating boredom is to acknowledge that this feeling exists in the relationship .
Then, there are 3 situations that can release boredom.
a. The absolute boredom of a lifeless existence
They only stay in their familiar areas, are unwilling to accept new things and new knowledge, and have lost their curiosity.
Sometimes, once people assume a certain role, they begin a life of routine and conformity. For example, men earn money to support the family, while women cook and take care of the children.
If a person remains stuck in a particular role and cannot connect with the outside world, they will become lifeless, lack vitality, and their life will gradually become rigid.
When faced with utter boredom, you need to step out of your comfort zone and rearrange your life. When you become interesting, the boredom in your relationship will disappear.
b. The relatively uninteresting ones that cause greater harm
My friend is a very artistic woman. She likes watching movies, operas, and reading novels. She also participates in a book club. I think her life is very colorful.
But her husband thought those things were impractical and couldn’t be bothered to learn about them. He would even make sarcastic remarks about her, calling her a middle-aged female intellectual.
She was boring in her husband’s eyes, and he was just as boring in her eyes.
The fact that the two people have different interests and hobbies is not the reason why they are “relatively boring”. The key lies in how they treat each other’s differences.
If differences are viewed with contempt and disdain, once that attitude is formed, the two people will never bother to understand each other again.
A relationship can be strengthened by getting to know each other’s interests, but a contemptuous attitude can lead to growing further apart.
The key point at this moment is how to change one’s attitude towards another.
c. Talk about reason, but don’t talk about feelings.
If someone constantly forces you to look at mistakes you can’t correct, the result will be that you not only can’t correct them, but you will also hate this “reasonable person” because they always make you feel frustrated by your “incompetence,” and you will instinctively want to “block” them out.
In summary, don’t let boredom erode your relationship. If you have a holiday, do things together that you don’t usually do.
For example, go on a trip to a place where no one knows you, where only the two of you can rely on each other, see different scenery, and talk about things you rarely say in normal times.
Perhaps we can learn something new together and discuss our feelings; watch a movie or a TV series together and discuss the plot.
Remember, in these situations, focus on feelings, not logic.
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