Is There Really No Intimacy Life in Big Cities?

I received a letter today from a reader named K, and the opening lines immediately stunned me:
“I haven’t had sex since I left home to work in the city. “
K, 29, has had several relationships, but they all ended in failure because neither of them was willing to take the time to go out for a meal or shopping.
According to her, in big cities, time is a very precious thing, and both sides are afraid of wasting time and don’t know if the other person is the right one.
Now, she is facing the choice of whether to continue working hard in the big city or go back to her hometown to settle down.
This is a difficult choice for both men and women.
A dating website once released data showing that the proportion of singles is highest in first-tier cities; and last year’s “Single Women Survey Report” showed that nearly 90% of single women are eager to find a partner as soon as possible.
Therefore, many people have made the decision to “escape from Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou”, believing that what is more important than making money in life is finding a reliable place to settle down.
If it were you, would you leave or stay?

I recently watched the original talk show “I Want to Talk to the World” on 10 o’clock video platform. Ma Weiwei, Xiao Zhan, Qi Jinnian, and Liu Yuanyuan were sitting together and happened to talk about this topic.Why are people more likely to get married when they return to their hometowns?Two answers are given here.

The first is what Liu Yuanyuan called “economic theory” :
The reason why people in my hometown generally get married earlier is because people don’t migrate and local resources are scarce, so they tend to get married earlier in order to increase their chances of finding a good partner.Conversely, in big cities, people meet more people and have a higher chance of meeting true love. They will want to see more and observe more, naturally pushing back the age of marriage and dating.With more choices, people are less in a hurry and are more likely to marry later in life.

The second point is what Xiao Zhan mentioned: “environmental impact” :People from your hometown are more likely to get married because the social circle is too comfortable. Everyone has grown up there and is used to this comfortable circle. At this point, your parents will say to you:

“The son/daughter of so-and-so next door is quite nice. Take a look, and if you think it’s suitable, you can marry him/her.”

Then more and more people formed this idea and gradually followed this arrangement.

Therefore, big cities have become gathering places for “lonely people”.
What’s the point of living without love and family?

So I’ve asked many people who have moved to Beijing, since it’s so tiring, why don’t they leave?They all paused for a moment, then replied, “Although we say we’re running away, our actions betray us.”Even reader K, who was mentioned at the beginning of the article, said at the end that even without love, he still wanted to stay in the big city.

This contradiction is just as Ma Weiwei said: “I think one of the real reasons why I can’t accept going back to my hometown is that everyone has a different perspective.”People who have lived in big cities for a long time and people who have lived in their hometowns for a long time have different perspectives on things.In big cities, you can meet all sorts of people, encounter many interesting souls, and participate in all kinds of cultural activities, which will enrich your life.

Moreover, once you’ve worked hard in a big city for a long time and gotten used to the fast pace, you might feel “trapped” when you return to your hometown.

Even if the competition is fierce, even if the subway is crowded, even if the rent and utility bills are high.You’ll still find the feeling of “living life to the fullest” wonderful.Just like when someone asked John Lennon, the lead singer of The Beatles, “Why do you, a British band, insist on developing your career in America?”He said, “In the ancient Roman Empire, philosophers and poets went to Rome because it was the center of the world. We come to New York today because it is the center of the world.”

In closing, all I want to say is:
No matter where you are right now, life is never easy.Big cities are filled with the anxiety of workplace battles, while small cities are filled with the pressure of marriage and family.As long as you work hard enough, you can find your own little moments of happiness in any corner of the world.There is a famous psychological phenomenon called the “horsefly effect”:

This means that if a horse is not bitten by horseflies, it will slow down and stop frequently, but if it is bitten by horseflies, it will become energetic and run faster and faster.

The same applies to people. If they indulge in comfort, they will fall into depravity. Only by constantly spurring themselves on can they have a full and fulfilling life.There is no real distinction between big cities and small cities, nor is there true worldly stability; happiness is simply getting what you ask for.

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Is There Really No Intimacy Life in Big Cities?