There is a very classic line in the play “The Peony Pavilion”:

Love arises without knowing its origin, and deepens with each passing moment.

The feelings between people always seem to come in such mysterious ways. Why do we fall in love with someone? Why, among the millions of people of the opposite sex in this world, do we ultimately fall in love with this one person?

In fact, a major driving force behind this is the attraction one person can have for another.

Love originates from attraction, and it also dies when attraction fades. The more attractive you are to him/her, the longer and more stable the relationship will be, and the more likely the spark of love will ignite.

The attraction between men and women can be divided into three levels, from shallow to deep:

I. Physical Material Level

Physical pleasure is the easiest to satisfy and the most likely to lead to indulgence and depravity; and in real life, we often have a strong desire for material wealth.

Therefore, people who are both good-looking and wealthy are often more attractive to the opposite sex. While this attraction may seem superficial, it’s the easiest thing to notice. This level of attraction primarily stems from:

This level of attraction is the lowest and most superficial, often readily observable. And this level of attraction primarily stems from:

Your physical appearance, your attractive figure, your personal income and wealth accumulation— these external, easily visible advantages can easily win you the favor and high regard of others.

Many extramarital affairs that occur in marriages are often triggered by this level of attraction. The person who cheats is often only pursuing physical pleasure, while the person who cheats is only seeking physical and material satisfaction.

The primary reason others want to get close to you and pursue you may be your physical and material attraction.

The desire to be with someone might simply be for physical intimacy or a material feast.

II. Levels of Emotional Needs

When an emotional connection is established between people, the relationship transcends the first level of attraction and progresses to a deeper level.

To successfully address emotional needs, it requires gradual formation through contact, communication, and understanding, creating a unique emotional connection between the two individuals.

You share common experiences and emotional resonance, and you can find emotional support and fulfillment in each other. In each other’s eyes, you gradually become more unique.

Therefore, the development of your love for each other will become more solid, and you will also have a feeling of “I can’t live without you” for him.

The appeal at this level primarily stems from the fulfillment of intrinsic emotional needs:

You can provide the care and love the other person needs, and share their joys and sorrows. Because of your presence, the other person will have a psychological need for your companionship.

The saying “familiarity breeds affection” applies here; when two people spend a lot of time together and get to know each other, they will become attached to each other.
Of course, there are exceptions to emotional attraction. Some women, after a breakup, may want to use a new relationship to forget their ex because they have an emotional void and a need. Therefore, many people are able to “take advantage of this vulnerability” because they can satisfy this level of need in the other person.

Such attraction makes the other person want to hold onto you and keep you to fill their loneliness and emptiness.

III. The Level of Spirit and Soul

This level of attraction is sacred and noble, existing independently of the previous two conditions, and becomes the deepest and most exclusive emotion between men and women.

As the saying goes, “A beautiful appearance is a dime a dozen, but an interesting soul is one in a million.” Such a soul is precisely what makes it so attractive.

You two resonate deeply with each other, sharing common values, interests, and spiritual depth. Your attraction to each other is like a rich treasure; the more you discover your shared traits, the more irresistible it becomes.

You genuinely like and admire this person; you will be touched by their fine qualities, admire their personal cultivation, and respect their personal spirit.

The reason why Zhou Enlai chose Deng Yingchao as his revolutionary partner and stayed with her for half a century was because they had a profound spiritual connection and soul resonance.
The love between Li Yinhe and Wang Xiaobo also stemmed from a deep love between their souls. As Wang Xiaobo said: “I give you my whole soul, along with its quirks, its tantrums, its mood swings, and its 1,800 bad habits. It’s really annoying, but it has one good point: it loves you.”

To truly love someone is not superficial or casual; you love their appearance, but you love their soul even more.

Only at the very end can you truly confirm that you are each other’s true love, that you are deeply fascinated by each other, and that you are willing to spend the rest of your lives with each other.

The highest form of attraction between the sexes lies in the mutual attraction of their souls, like two bright stars in the night sky seeing each other at the same time.

As the saying goes, “Attracted by looks, loyal to character,” physical pleasure and material satisfaction, while alluring, can easily lead to fatigue and aversion. Emotional dependence, though reaching deep levels, is also prone to infidelity and easy replacement.

Only a resonance and harmony of spirit and soul can make a relationship truly unique and irreplaceable.