My Life With Intimate Toys: Retail Job Feels Like Underpaid Sex Therapy

“Working in a sex shop is a bit like being a low-paid sex therapist. Sometimes the job is to help people choose a suitable toy, but more often it’s about discussing taboos and shame surrounding sex with them.” Zöe Ligon, who runs Spectrum Boutique, a sex shop in Detroit, has healed herself and others while selling sex toys. This is what she says about sex and love, and about why she opened a sex shop.

What made you decide to open Spectrum Boutique? Have you worked in other industries before?
I’ve always wanted to do something that helps people because I’ve suffered from mental health issues my whole life, and I also experienced sexual trauma in childhood. In college, I didn’t take my studies very seriously; I often spent my nights in New York nightclubs, even working as a bartender, and I often took erotic photos to express myself. A friend who worked in a sex shop saw my photos and encouraged me to work at their feminist sex shop. Suddenly, I started selling vibrators, dildos, and lubricants—things I’d only started getting into in the last two years. Although the work was incredibly demanding, it was perfect for me.

Working in a sex shop is a bit like being a low-paid sex therapist. Sometimes the job involves helping people choose a suitable toy, but more often it involves discussing taboos and shame surrounding sex. Once, I suggested a female customer use lubricant, and she was very unhappy about it. This is quite common; everyone uses lubricant when using sex toys—it’s all beneficial and harmless. I even wrote an article about debunking lubricant myths, which earned me several magazine submissions.

Later, I left the sex shop in New York and, for mental health reasons, moved to the quieter and more peaceful Detroit. My father suddenly passed away, leaving me an inheritance, which I used to buy a house and start a business, thus Spectrum Boutique was born. It has been open for four years now, and with the help of many friends, it has been very successful. I also want to thank the ever-growing team.

What do you think is the connection between sex and love?
Sex and love aren’t completely opposite, but they are independent things. I can fall in love with someone because of sex, but those relationships are always the kind that startle you instantly. This doesn’t mean we can’t fall in love at some point, but reality is different from movie plots. Love grows, changes, and takes many forms; love can be purely Platonic… but then again, sex can be Platonic too, haha! If you have love in your sex life, that’s amazing, but it’s also wonderful to experience the beauty of sex and love separately.

What do you think are some common misconceptions about sex?
There are too many. The most common misconception is that penile penetration alone can lead to orgasm, when in fact most people need external or combined stimulation to achieve orgasm; or that sex must be done with a partner (masturbation is also a form of sex); or that certain sexual behaviors determine your sexual orientation (for example, prostate stimulation is something only gay men do); or that anal sex or any invasive sexual intercourse is painful (sex should never be painful); or that pursuing a sex life will make your life better (many people force themselves to have sex even when they don’t want to, but it’s actually quite nice not to have sex!).

Who is your customer base? Are they heterosexuals, LGBT individuals, or people of different ages and cultures? Have you observed any changes in your customer base since opening the store? Have any customers given you feedback?
My customers are mostly women and queer people, but I also have many men. Because I’m relatively young, my followers are also relatively young, mostly between 18 and 35 years old. Our orders come from North America, but we can ship to any place where sex toys are legal. Our customer base has seen steady growth over the past four years.

The interactions with clients are so numerous I can’t even remember them all; there were funny moments and touching ones. Whenever someone shares their inner story with me, it’s meaningful to me. Because I know that sex is inherently diverse and multifaceted, I’m quite used to it.

What are Spectrum Boutique’s best-selling items?
Our top sellers are the Polka Dot Jollet, Lelo Sona, and Teddy Velvet Thruster. The Polka Dot Jollet is a vaginal dildo that perfectly fills the vagina and looks adorable. The Lelo Sona is a pneumatic stimulator that simulates oral sex; it’s essentially a precise suction device, somewhat like a small, alien-shaped mouth, providing excellent pleasure. The Teddy is the only thrusting sex toy on the market, powerful and intense, making it feel like a “thrusting marvel.” It’s said that the force of other machines weakens after insertion, but this one doesn’t.

Besides running an online store, you also write articles and have an Instagram account. Do you have other ways to express yourself? How do you come up with new themes to explore? How do you deal with online trolls?
Social media only lets you glimpse a small part of a person, but that’s true. I try to be authentic on all platforms. I don’t have a specific posting schedule; it all depends on how I feel each day. I share my life online, but sometimes there’s a risk of crossing boundaries. I like to share what I love, and I also share my pain and struggles. Recently, I’ve started sharing my daily therapy sessions online, and I’ve found it very helpful. It not only deepens the positive impact of therapy on me but also encourages others to release their trauma. I have a very strong personality, which is why some people love or hate me. Honestly, some so-called “liberals” have attacked me more than conservatives because they hate my choice of words. I think I’m numb to the attacks from conservatives by now. After all these years, their arguments have no effect on me anymore. On the contrary, the advice from my “echo chamber” is more damaging. I hope everyone can be more empathetic and peaceful.

Please describe wonderful sex in one sentence? And for those who want to try sex toys?
Sex is a way to get closer to the universe and your inner self, and when we can share sex with our partners, that wonderful feeling is multiplied infinitely.

Like other products, many sex toys can be made by hand, but with the help of convenient tools, things become easier and more enjoyable!

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My Life With Intimate Toys: Retail Job Feels Like Underpaid Sex Therapy