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A few nights ago, I received a private message from a reader named Xiao Le.
Xiao Le and her husband have been married for more than three years and have a child who is one and a half years old. Before marriage, she and her husband had a very good relationship.However, after marriage, the pressure of daily life, including cooking and taking care of children, increased, and the couple communicated less and less, causing their feelings for each other to drift apart.Xiao Le poured out her distress:
“Neither my husband nor I have cheated on each other, and we actually care about each other a lot. But I don’t know why, we both feel very hostile towards each other now.”Every time I try to have a calm and peaceful discussion about something, it always ends badly. We either argue or give each other the silent treatment, and the problem remains unresolved.
After hearing Xiaole’s story, I directly suggested that she take the initiative to have sex with her husband tomorrow night.Xiao Le was completely baffled. What did her sex life have to do with her marital problems? But with a “what’s the use” attitude, she listened to what I said.The next evening, Xiao Le came to me again. This time, she didn’t come to complain, but to “report good news”.Xiao Le said excitedly:
“I took the initiative to ‘seduce’ my husband. He was startled at first, and then we had a passionate encounter… It’s been more than half a year since we last had sex.”What made me happiest was that afterwards, when I talked to him about our recent conflicts, he wasn’t as resistant, and he even listened to me finish what I had to say!
In reality, Xiaole and her husband still have a long way to go before they truly resolve their marital problems. But at least, their harmonious sex life has helped them begin to listen to each other’s feelings.Being willing to learn is the first step in solving a problem.
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