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The day came again. The man went out drunk, his eyes red and swollen, and returned with swollen eyes. Liu Lian prepared water for the man to wash his feet and brought it into the room. Seeing that the man hadn’t taken off his shoes, she gently placed the basin by the bed, squatted down, and helped the man take off his shoes.
Suddenly, the man reached out and pulled Liu Lian up, hugging her tightly and bursting into tears. This was something that hadn’t happened in over a decade. Liu Lian’s vision went completely blank; she had no idea what was about to unfold.
Every year on this day, the man, who doesn’t usually drink, would have a few drinks, then eat with Liu Lian’s carefully fried golden peanuts, sizzling fried eggs, and thinly sliced beef with tender white scallions. He’d get drunk, leave home with red eyes, and return half a day, sometimes most of the day, with swollen eyes. Liu Lian would bring in the foot-washing water she’d prepared long ago. The man would take off his shoes, wash his feet, and lie down to sleep, or Liu Lian would help him take off his shoes, wash his feet, and then lay him down to sleep. Liu Lian would go out, pour the foot-washing water into the drain by the wall, and return to look at the sleeping man. Tears would slowly well up in her eyes, and a smile would quietly appear on her lips. The tears and smile gave Liu Lian a fuzzy halo, like a flower swaying against the sunlight or moonlight. These tears and smiles, blooming over more than ten years, had acquired the ripples of a fishtail opening up water and a ceremonial solemnity.
On this day, on this day, more than ten years ago, Xiao Xuan passed away.
Actually, Xiao Xuan hadn’t left. She was always there, in Liu Lian’s heart, in Liu Lian’s life, and even more firmly in the man’s heart. Liu Lian had grown accustomed to the days slipping by with Xiao Xuan, like skipping stones on water. On the tip of each skipped stone lay a drunken man, his eyes red and swollen, returning home.
This time, the man went out as usual, head down, silent. He changed his clothes, shaved, and tightened his shoelaces. That day, if his shoes hadn’t suddenly come off, perhaps… perhaps Xiao Xuan wouldn’t have left. The man silently drank his wine, ate the food Liu Lian had carefully prepared, his eyes growing increasingly red. As he left, he turned to look at Liu Lian, who was sitting crocheting insoles—it was fashionable here lately to use different colored yarns to crochet insoles. Liu Lian didn’t move, but she had already seen the man turn his head; there were gray hairs on his forehead, glistening in the slanting sunlight. The man returned in the late afternoon, his eyes swollen, still silent as in previous years. When Liu Lian helped him wash his feet, the man suddenly pulled her up, hugged her tightly, and sobbed. The man said, “Liu Lian, you’ve suffered so much all these years. Today, Xiao Xuan and I are saying goodbye. I’ll never go to that bridge again…”
The man draped his coat over Liu Lian’s shoulders and said softly, “Come on, let’s go for a walk.” The man and Liu Lian walked hand in hand into the street. The town lights were just coming on, and the pale yellow moon hung high in the sky. Liu Lian’s steps were unsteady. She had finally completely captured this man’s heart; the man she loved belonged entirely to her. She felt a mix of sweetness, bitterness, and emptiness. The word “emptiness” startled her. She had imagined countless times what it would be like if Xiao Xuan left completely. She couldn’t imagine it. For over ten years, she had given up on the idea of Xiao Xuan’s departure. Xiao Xuan seemed to have become family; the man’s inability to let go of Xiao Xuan only intensified her love for him. Suddenly, Xiao Xuan was gone—no, it should be said that the man abandoned Xiao Xuan. If it weren’t for Xiao Xuan risking her life to save him, the man would have disappeared from the world ten years ago.
The man led Liu Lian into the jewelry store. He asked, “Liu Lian, didn’t you want a lotus-shaped earring?” Liu Lian wanted to say, “Yes, I do, but not today, because today is the day Xiao Xuan left…” But what came out was a brief “Mmm!”
Over a decade, the man completely forgot—no, he completely abandoned—the lover, Xiaoxuan, who had once saved his life…
As Liu Lian walked out of the jewelry store, a gust of wind blew, and she shivered several times. The man then took Liu Lian to eat. Looking at the man beside her, Liu Lian suppressed the anger that welled up inside her.
Back home, the man was watching TV in the living room, while Liu Lian took the jewelry box into the bedroom. The anger that had been simmering within her slowly rose again, swirling and swelling rapidly, finally settling into a heavy sigh…
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