"Should I get a divorce if my sex life is not harmonious?": So-called sexual frigidity is actually emotional coldness.

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A while ago, a female friend came to me to confide in me because of disharmony in her marital life.

She complained about her husband: every time they were intimate, he would rush into it and then finish hastily. Afterwards, he would fall asleep immediately, completely disregarding his wife’s feelings.

After it happened so many times, she got angry and simply refused to have sex anymore.

“Men are all big pigs!” the girl said bitterly.

I completely understand her summary of “pity for their misfortune and anger at their lack of resistance”.

He only cared about his own pleasure and didn’t consider his wife’s feelings or emotions. His behavior before and after the act showed that he treated his wife like a tool.

It’s perfectly normal for her to have no interest in sex with a husband like that.

Desire, passion—without passion, where would desire be? Compared to physical desire, women often place more emphasis on spiritual comfort.

Whether it’s proactively showing concern for her work, listening to her complaints about eccentric clients, attentively listening to her interests, watching her favorite movies with her, taking over her heavy housework, or cooking her a pot of nourishing chicken soup during her period… all these things will let her know that you care about her.

You gave your wife warmth, and of course she was willing to reciprocate your love.

In marriage, the quality of sex life is directly proportional to the intimacy of the couple’s relationship.

Couples with higher levels of satisfaction with their partners tend to have more harmonious sex lives.

The reason why marriages that gradually turn from passionate love to “sexless” is largely due to the neglect of one party and the abandonment of the other.

Which woman would want to be with a boring, unromantic “giant baby” who only plays video games after get off work?

Many “straight men” are criticized by women because they don’t put themselves in their wives’ shoes and don’t actively pay attention to their needs in the marriage.

When a husband fails to maintain sufficient attractiveness, does not demonstrate the necessary responsibility and commitment in a marriage, and is indifferent to a woman’s needs and feelings, her passion for him will quickly fade, and she will no longer feel the urge to love him.

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When I discussed the importance of sex with my readers before, I received many messages in the comments section. They all mentioned that they were so tired from taking care of their children that they were paralyzed every day.

After the kids fall asleep at night, all I want to do is lie in bed and rest. As for anything else? I don’t even have those thoughts.

For many women who choose a sexless lifestyle, the biggest enemy of marriage is life, and the biggest enemy of love is their husband.

Some men automatically delegate the responsibility of managing the household and raising children to women after marriage, believing that this is what “wives” should do, and that “husbands” only need to earn money.

When asked to wash the dishes, he said he was too tired from work; when asked to help take care of the children, he said he didn’t know how.

My wife takes on most of the housework and is so busy with daily chores that she has no energy left for intimacy in bed.

There is a question on Zhihu: “I want to get a divorce because my wife is frigid and our sex life is not harmonious.”

The questioner stated that although they have a child, their sex life has always been unsatisfactory. The wife either says it hurts and doesn’t want to do it, or she gets impatient and keeps asking, “Are you done yet? Almost done?” The two have argued about this many times.

In fact, the sentence, “She always blames it on me treating her badly. I admit I’m a bit spoiled and not very good at taking care of people,” explains the problem quite well.

When a man admits to being spoiled, it means that he rarely helps with housework or childcare, and all the household chores likely fall on his wife’s shoulders.

His statement that he is “not very good at taking care of people” indicates that he rarely considers his wife’s feelings or is considerate of her emotions, both in terms of daily life and emotional well-being.

Men don’t understand why women are always so meticulous about small things like washing dishes and taking care of children. But from a woman’s perspective, behind these small things lies mutual understanding.

Why is it that after I get off work, I can rush straight to the kitchen despite my exhaustion to prepare a hot meal for you, but you don’t see my aching back and are just busy playing on your phone?

American psychologist Byers’ longitudinal study indicates that sexual satisfaction is related to relationship satisfaction.

This explains why women who are exhausted from housework may gradually become indifferent to sex, mainly due to dissatisfaction with their marital relationship.

How can a man who won’t even lend a helping hand talk about sharing joys and sorrows?

For women, sex is the result of their inner willingness to accept another person’s overflowing emotions; it is a natural process.

Disharmony in sexual life is not the main cause of sexless marriages; disappointment in one’s partner is the root cause of a cooling marriage .

Imagine if two people happily take care of the children together every day, share the housework, and then have a romantic date to create the right atmosphere, wouldn’t they want to “buy Coke”?

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Most men don’t understand that a woman’s sexual frigidity is actually a sign of emotional coldness.

Tao Hong, who recently became very popular because of the TV series “A Little Reunion”, once played Chen Xuesong, a woman lost in a sexless marriage, in the movie “Forgot to Understand You”.

Because her husband, Lao Cai, lost his job, the burden of supporting the elderly, taking care of the children, and making a living fell entirely on her shoulders.

Busy taking care of her family, she accidentally forgot her mother-in-law’s birthday. Old Cai, who hadn’t remembered either, blamed her for not being dutiful.

The family was struggling financially, and she couldn’t bear to throw away the milk and bread that had just expired, but Lao Cai still complained that she didn’t make breakfast for him herself.

Old Cai was short 150,000 yuan for her business, so she swallowed her pride and went to her wealthy ex-boyfriend to borrow money. While Old Cai accepted the money without a second thought, he became suspicious of her relationship with her ex-boyfriend and even doubted whether his daughter was his biological child.

Her diligent housework did not earn her the gratitude and respect she deserved, and her sacrifices for her husband’s career were misinterpreted by his jealousy.

Chen Xuesong’s once warm and energetic smile gradually turned desolate and cold due to unfounded slander and suspicion.

She finally understood that in this cramped marriage, her husband only cared about his own feelings and his so-called male pride.

He dumped all the pressure, distress, and confusion of poverty, jealousy, and frustration onto his wife, relying on roaring to vent his frustrations.

He never cared about his wife’s feelings or distress.

In the midst of repeated arguments, Chen Xuesong became utterly disappointed by her husband’s unreasonable behavior and rejected all attempts at intimacy.

Just like the title suggests, the husband forgot to understand his wife’s grievances and forbearance, forgot to understand her difficult struggles in her ordinariness, and forgot to understand how much bitterness this nagging woman had to bear alone.

If a woman does not feel loved in her marriage, she will feel used when her partner makes demands. Her aversion to sex will develop from psychological to physiological, eventually leading to frigidity.

Chen Xuesong once had aspirations for marriage, but her husband’s escapism forced her to face life alone. She could only choose to strip away all her brilliance and numbly endure until the marriage became a sexless one.

A husband who doesn’t know how to meet his wife’s needs for support and care, and who doesn’t understand and respond to her emotionally, can easily leave her physically and mentally exhausted, causing her to lose her sense of security and love.

Ultimately, a woman’s disappointment with sex is actually a sign of disappointment with her husband.

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Li Yinhe, a renowned Chinese expert on gender relations, once said that there are three criteria for a truly harmonious love: both parties can talk about anything, cherish and support each other, and have a continuous sex life.

The couple Li Yinhe and Wang Xiaobo are the best example of mutual support and fulfillment.

When the two fell in love, Wang Xiaobo was just a factory worker, while Li Yinhe was already an editor at Guangming Daily. Despite the incomprehension and criticism from the outside world, she wholeheartedly supported Wang Xiaobo in focusing on his writing.

Wang Xiaobo also supported Li Yinhe’s career. When his wife was conducting research on the sociological topic of homosexuality, Wang Xiaobo helped her with a lot of material collection and interview manuscript organization.

In a letter to Wang Xiaobo during their courtship, Li Yinhe wrote: “I hope you love my entire body, and I am willing for it to become beautiful because of you.”

Sex is a gradual development that originates from love; it should be a harmonious blend, not a repulsive one.

The Institute of Sexual Sociology at Renmin University of China conducted a nationwide survey over a year, and the results showed that:

Among married or cohabiting couples, 28.7% have sex less than once a month, and 6.2% have not had sex in the past year.

In an increasing number of marriages, the absence of sex has led to restless resentment and indifference between spouses.

Without heartfelt communication and understanding, and without ever considering each other’s feelings, how can a couple have genuine, heartfelt passion when there is no mutual support and tenderness in their relationship?

If you want to ignite the passion in her body, start by igniting the passion in her heart.