Modern Men and Women’s Guide to Emotional Self-Protection

01
If you’ve been trying to flirt with someone for a long time without success, or you’ve been pursuing someone for a long time without winning them over, just give up.We’re both adults; whether we like someone or not is written all over our faces. If one attempt to initiate contact fails, you could say he’s slow to warm up. But if you keep initiating contact and get no results, it just means he definitely doesn’t like you.Even if you persist, after six months or a year, the best outcome is that he suddenly realizes he can’t find anyone to date, so he’ll just settle for you.
A relationship that is inherently unequal will never end well. A relationship is only considered romantic if both parties are willing to be together; otherwise, it’s just a case of one person giving away their money.Those who give money away are never appreciated.

02
In relationships, there’s nothing wrong with giving. If you say you like someone but don’t want to give anything in return, I’d think you’re telling me a ghost story.
But every effort must be accompanied by a reward.
While effort and reward can never be perfectly equal, at least if you give seven parts, you can get three parts back.I’ve seen too many relationships where one person gives their all.You cut your hand while cooking for him, and he complained that the meal was taking so long.You waited for him until you were starving and your hands and feet were freezing, but he said it was too late and he wouldn’t come out.
You carefully selected a gift for him for the holiday, but he lectured you that some holidays are meaningless, so he won’t give you his gift.
How long do you have to keep going before you realize you’re wasting your life?
Don’t say that as long as you’re good to him, it doesn’t matter whether he’s good to you or not.Think about it carefully, is this real love, or just wishful thinking and self-indulgence?

03
Liking someone always involves two things: “wanting to care about you” and “wanting to contact you”.If you don’t feel either of these two things in a relationship, it means that the person you’re with doesn’t like you.
Of course, you can continue to deceive yourself, saying things like, “He’s too introverted,” “He’s not good at expressing himself,” or “He definitely has feelings for me, he just hasn’t shown them yet.”It’s okay, keep lying.It’s nothing more than a few years of youth.It’s nothing more than watching other people’s loving and harmonious relationship, and then going home and crying.It’s nothing more than two people living together feeling lonelier than one person, and nothing more than when people around you ask how you’re doing, you can only smile and say you’re extremely happy right now.You can definitely afford this “small” price, right?

04
Stay away from certain types of people.
The first type is hot and cold; they’ll chat with you for two hours today when they have nothing to do, but tomorrow they’ll be busy all day and you won’t be able to find them.You can only find him when he’s extremely bored, like guessing lottery numbers to see when he’ll be there.Are you a pet that always has to depend on your owner’s mood?

The second type is emotionally unstable ; when they’re happy, they’ll spoil you rotten, but when they’re angry, they’ll curse your entire family.The scariest thing is that you never know when he’s happy or unhappy, and you live in constant fear and trepidation.Watching horror movies occasionally is a way to relax, but living in a horror movie world is like asking if you have too much time on your hands.

The third type is someone who constantly belittles you . In the morning, they say your waist is thick; in the afternoon, they say your face is big; at night, they say they have no desire to hold you; and the next day, they say they are very popular with girls but you will definitely not find a partner if you leave them.If you try to get angry, he’ll just say he’s joking.If he is indeed joking about this, it shows that he has very low emotional intelligence.If he’s not joking, it means he genuinely looks down on you.Being with people with low emotional intelligence shortens your lifespan; being with people who look down on you brings heartbreak.Would you rather shorten your lifespan or be heartbroken?

05
Explaining the subtext of several emotions:“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now” = I don’t want to be in a relationship with you, not ever.“You are really good, it’s me who’s not good enough” = You’re not good enough for me.“You’ll get hurt if you’re with me” = I want to be a jerk, you don’t object, right?When a boy tells a girl that he’s not in a good position to be in a relationship, he’s not asking her to wait for him, but rather advising her to give up.When a girl tells a guy that she’s single because no one has pursued her and she hasn’t met the right person, she’s not encouraging him to pursue her; she’s telling him that he’s also among those “unsuitable” people.People never want to be the bad guy. They worry that saying things directly will hurt you too much, so they refuse in a tactful way.But he was tactful; you couldn’t help but understand.
Don’t do something as silly as “You say you don’t want to be in a relationship right now? Okay, I’ll wait for you.” You won’t get the chance.What you’ll get is that he suddenly has a girlfriend, and you’ll still be confused, thinking, “Didn’t he say he didn’t want to be in a relationship?”

06
He loves you, but you don’t love him. Don’t be with him, or you’ll be tormented by guilt.You love him, but he doesn’t love you. Don’t stay with him, otherwise the emptiness will drive you to the brink of insanity.
You love him, and he says he loves you too, but he has other unresolved relationship issues. You shouldn’t be with him, otherwise you might be completely deceived.If he truly loves you, he will clean up everything and come to you.In your presence, he is always pure, devoted, and faithful. Your relationship is always open, honest, and aboveboard.Other people’s relationships are about love, but yours is like playing hide-and-seek. Didn’t you have a childhood?

It’s not that you can’t ask for reconciliation after a breakup, but before you do, please think carefully about why you broke up in the first place.Is it your fault or his fault? Is it incompatibility? Is it the helplessness of reality? Or was it that neither of you was mature enough to escalate a small matter into an uncontrollable conflict?If you didn’t learn to cherish him before, but now you do, then you can absolutely win him back.
If he wasn’t good enough, and he’s changed now, then you can absolutely start over with him.
If the conditions for being together weren’t met at the time due to unforeseen circumstances or because neither of you was mature enough, you can still rekindle your relationship now that the conditions are right.
None of the above applies, so saying goodbye to the past is the best choice.
Otherwise, it’s just tearing open old scars again, making them hurt more and look uglier than before.With that time, you could start a new relationship, and maybe you’d already have a child by then.

08
Life is so long, and sometimes we inevitably miss out on a few people.Perhaps it was a wrong word or a wrong action.
Perhaps the timing was wrong, perhaps the communication was poor, or perhaps it was simply not the right time.Perhaps when he took the initiative, you backed down, and when you wanted to take the initiative, he gave up.
It’s okay to feel regret, but don’t regret it.If you could do it all over again, you would still make the same choice. There are some things and some people that you just can’t hold onto at that point in time.This is the price of growing up.Let bygones be bygones, no matter how wonderful they were.Remember, always look forward.Talk about the future with people who have a future in mind, and let the past remain in the past memories. It’s like when you go shopping, you like a piece of clothing, but hesitate and don’t buy it. Later, you can never buy it again. What do you do?Buy another one.

09
The last paragraph.If you yourself are unsure whether you should persist in your current relationship or give up, just remember this:A good relationship will make you more and more confident.A bad relationship will make you increasingly insecure.Whether you persist or give up depends solely on what kind of person you want to be.