
Dear Apricot Jam:
Hi Xingjiang, I really enjoy Qingxing’s novel and interesting posts. Although I’m still a virgin, I’ve learned a lot about self-pleasure techniques under Qingxing’s guidance, which has opened up a whole new world for me~ Thank you, Xingjiang~
I consider myself to have a relatively strong sex drive. I used to masturbate more than twice a week. I usually enjoy reading erotic comics and reading erotic novels, and I get very wet quickly during masturbation , reaching orgasm very quickly. This went on for more than three years, but recently I feel like I’ve lost interest in masturbation. Erotic comics that used to excite me now leave me feeling nothing after reading an entire chapter. I’ve tried increasing the stimulation by watching porn, but the desire to masturbate isn’t strong; it feels very boring.
I’m afraid of becoming frigid, but I’m also wondering if I’ve reached a stage where I “have to lose my virginity”? I’m very willing to continue exploring my sexual desires, but my romantic relationships aren’t going well.
I recently met someone I really like, but I feel like he’s too far out of my reach, and I don’t have the courage to approach him. Could this be why my interest in masturbation has decreased? I’m really worried that staying a virgin for too long will make me frigid. Please, Qingxing, answer my questions!
I really hope to get your reply~ Thank you!
Dear:
Hello, thank you for your letter.
In life, desires are constantly changing. You’re not the first person to tell Xingjiang that they’ve suddenly gone from someone who loves DIY to a celibate young person. This change is closely related to our living environment, work and study pressures, and life experiences, so there’s no need to be too anxious. Furthermore, a woman’s libido naturally fluctuates with her menstrual cycle; it’s not static.
It’s unnecessary to label yourself as “sexually frigid” just because you temporarily don’t feel like having sex. Many people readily claim to be “sexually frigid,” but the reality is that not many people experience this problem frequently. According to the 2003 revised guidelines from the International Society for Sexual Medicine regarding female sexual desire disorders: “Female libido often arises after sexual stimulation has already caused sexual arousal. Libido and arousal interact and reinforce each other; therefore, medically, a sexual desire disorder is defined as a condition where a woman consistently lacks sexual desire throughout the entire sexual activity.” A temporary decrease in libido does not necessarily mean you are sexually frigid.
It’s like eating. Even after eating crayfish for a long time, we might occasionally lose our appetite. We don’t think we have anorexia; we just feel temporarily tired of it. We might get tired of it, and after a while, we might crave it again. DIY cooking is the same. After a period of DIY cooking, if we suddenly get a little tired of it, we take a break and eat it again when we feel like it again.
You are someone who actively brings happiness to yourself and values your desires, willing to explore them. I’m happy for you. However, sexual desire is, in the end, just a desire. If you feel that you have no interest in doing it, then you shouldn’t do it at all. There’s no need to masturbate just for the sake of masturbating , is there?
If you have desires, satisfy them. If not, you can focus your attention elsewhere; that’s perfectly fine, and you might even have unexpected gains. Besides, after a while, you might rediscover your love for masturbation. After all, masturbation is a very important way to achieve orgasm, providing quick satisfaction. I think masturbation is important for maintaining physical and mental health, regardless of whether you’ve lost your virginity.
As mentioned earlier, libido is dynamic and fluctuating. As long as you don’t feel pressured or anxious about it, there’s no need to worry too much. Don’t start worrying about whether you “should lose your virginity” just because you don’t want to masturbate anymore.
Furthermore, considering your recent experiences, you may be experiencing emotional fluctuations and have developed feelings for someone. Your desires have evolved from simple physical release to a shared need for both body and mind, which could subconsciously lead you to crave more intimate sexual intimacy. In this situation, it’s entirely possible that your interest in masturbation has decreased. Why do you feel that the other person is too unattainable? Any relationship has zero chance if you don’t try to pursue it. Only by taking action will there be hope for a beginning. Perhaps the person you like also has feelings for you.
It’s also important to emphasize that being single for a long time is not necessarily related to becoming sexually frigid. Many people, before ending their long and arduous single lives, confidently declared themselves sexually frigid and indifferent to sex, only to find themselves in a frenzy of activity after meeting “the one,” their hormones surging!
Best wishes to you.
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