What happens when a woman suppresses her sexual desire for too long? 5 true stories.

01. Jasmine, 32 years old, divorced, market
I am a woman with a story. Sometimes I feel hopeless about life, but other times I dare not relax. As I type this, I have just left work early and am waiting for my daughter to get out of school.

About three years ago, my happy life—with a car, a house, and a lovely daughter—was suddenly shattered. That year, my husband committed a crime, was imprisoned, and sentenced to 10 years. Since then, I’ve been raising my daughter alone. No matter what happens, I have to bear it all myself; only I know the hardships I’ve endured.
Furthermore, as a young woman in my prime, I also have physical needs, and quite strong ones at that. At first, I endured it all. Actually, men who knew I lived alone (many of them were married ) would subtly hint at wanting to meet me. But I couldn’t go against my conscience. My husband was in prison, but we weren’t divorced. I was conflicted; on one hand, I craved sex, on the other hand, I felt morally pressured. Later, my desires decreased significantly, and my periods became irregular. I always comforted myself that it was because of working hard for my family.
In July of this year, a young man joined the company. He was born in 1995, very handsome and clean-cut, and many of the young women in the company were talking about him. But then, a month later, he was assigned to my department, and we worked on a project together. I could sense that he liked me and wanted to pursue me. Many times, he would drive me home after working overtime. At first, I refused, but I was touched by his care, because no one had cared for me like that in the past few years.

One time, he walked me home, and when we got downstairs, he secretly kissed me. I was completely stunned, like I was experiencing first love; my heart raced, and my face burned with a blush. I don’t know why, but I blurted out, “Come upstairs and have a drink of water.” Because it was summer vacation, my daughter was at her grandmother’s house. So I brought my little heartthrob upstairs.

At first, we were very polite. Later, when we sat on the sofa, he leaned in and suddenly kissed me. I didn’t dodge; I met his kiss and we kept kissing. Then we took off our clothes and went to bed. That night, I don’t know how long we did it, but it was very enjoyable. I even cried towards the end, which startled the young man. He asked me what was wrong, and I said, “It’s like finally eating after being starved for a long time; I’m crying tears of joy.” We both laughed, and slept in each other’s arms all night. It was the most peaceful night I’d had in the past three years. In the morning, we did it again. That day, I went to work with an unprecedented sense of ease; I felt like singing as I walked down the street.
Later, we met up a few more times. Eventually, we both realized it was impossible for us to be together. He left the city, and I returned to my old life, but I’m still grateful to him.
02. Xiao Nuan, 24 years old, single, international student Actually, it wasn’t that I’d been suppressing it for too long. It’s just that I had a boyfriend in college, and we had sex; I had that kind of experience. We broke up in my senior year. Then I went to graduate school in a small, underdeveloped country overseas. There weren’t many Chinese people there, so it wasn’t easy to find a boyfriend. It was really lonely and boring there. Besides doing experiments and writing papers, all I did was watch TV shows.
I’m not actually a very conservative girl, and I’ve thought about one-night stands, but the foreign guys aren’t interested, and I honestly can’t bring myself to sleep with them. The Chinese community is too small, and if I were to hook up, it would be troublesome. Anyway, I’ve been abstaining from sex for over two years of graduate school. Last time I went back to China, I talked to my best friend, and she even gave me a sex toy, which I took abroad. The effect was so-so, nowhere near as good as the feeling of actual sex. After suppressing my libido for so long, even seeing guys on TikTok makes me feel aroused. Overall, it’s not too bad. It hasn’t had too much of an impact, and I’m graduating and going back to China soon anyway.

03. Teacher Chen, 38 years old, single, self-employed

I’m considered a long-time Beijing drifter. I bought my own house and now run some small projects. My life is alright, but I’ve never gotten married and am mostly single. Maybe it’s because I have a bad temper or am too picky. I missed out on finding a partner and getting married when I was younger, and now that I’m 38, it’s not easy.

As for what you said about the consequences of suppressing sexual desire for too long, it’s probably not good for my health. I’ve always had acne, and I jokingly call myself “acne-prone teenager.” I’ve been taking traditional Chinese medicine to regulate it, but it’s not working. Last time, a doctor asked me if my sex life with my husband was harmonious. I was too embarrassed to say I was single, so I said it wasn’t. He said to try adjusting it, maybe it would help. There was a period when my sex drive was quite high, but I’m a bit of a germaphobe, so I always took care of myself. The last time I had sex was during a night hiking camp trip with a guy who was very kind to me. He came into my tent that night, and we had sex. It was actually quite exciting, but maybe because I hadn’t done it in a long time, it hurt a little, and I didn’t dare to scream, afraid of being embarrassed. Later, I found out that other tents were also doing similar things. Sigh, at my age, I don’t care about these things anymore. If it happens, it happens; if it doesn’t, so be it. I’m indifferent now.
04. Little Dumb Guy, 28 years old, single, Beijing Hey Seven, I think I’m pretty suitable to answer your question. I’m the kind of “bad girl” people talk about—I smoked, drank, got perms, went clubbing, I’ve done it all. Of course, I’ve also had casual sex, probably more than two fingers’ worth. Then I got sick with HPV. I’d already missed the best treatment period, and I felt hopeless. Thankfully, I recovered slowly, but that period was so painful. I never hooked up again after that. To be honest, I’m a very sexually driven Aries. Because of my illness, I didn’t look for a boyfriend. I suppressed it for about a year, then I bought some tools on Taobao and took care of myself. Now I’m single, and how should I put it? I don’t want to bother anyone else. Self-reliance is the way to go. Haha.
05. Lemon , 27 years old, single, from a second-tier city. I’m really looking forward to getting married or moving out. Hey, you know what? In our small county town, we don’t even dare go out much. I had a boyfriend before. We dated for four months, but we never dared to go to a hotel. My parents are very strict and conservative, so I go straight home after work every day. A lot of my girlfriends have given me advice, saying that having a boyfriend means you can have sex, either by going out or buying sex toys. But none of that applies. The city is so small; I feel like I could run into someone while shopping, unlike in a big city like Beijing where you definitely wouldn’t. Besides, how could I dare use those things at home? My parents would find out, it would be so embarrassing. I haven’t been with a man for years, and I really do want to. Sometimes, watching romance dramas, even a kiss between the leads makes me feel all hot and bothered, and I get a physical reaction. I even ask my best friends for porn. One night, after watching a porn video, I had a wet dream and got all wet (embarrassed).