The 10 Hidden Rules to Keep Love Running Smoothly

Past research on partners and my own practical experience in handling cases both show that most relationship problems stem from an imbalance between “being yourself” and “pleasing your partner,” leading to various internal struggles and tug-of-wars . After studying partner counseling and continuously handling cases for a period of time, I have gradually compiled some general principles for maintaining long-lasting relationships. I have listed them below to remind myself and to share with others for reference:

There is no such thing as a 100% ideal partner ! You can only find a partner who matches about 60-80% of your ideal image. As for the remaining 20-40% that doesn’t match, you can only face it, accept it, let it go, or work together with your partner to try and improve the relationship.
Feeling lonely in a relationship? It’s very likely you were already alone before you even started dating ! Feeling lonely and isolated stems from the fact that loneliness and isolation have never truly disappeared, and you’ve never confronted or properly coexisted with them. From now on, face your loneliness and isolation squarely !
Even in true love, as the longer two people are together and the deeper their bond grows, there will always be moments when you can’t understand him, just as there will be moments when he can’t understand you. But this is normal. Learn to slowly process the disappointment of “I can’t understand him” or “He can’t understand me,” and gradually accept this truth .
True love is hard to find, so cherish it . Don’t easily break up or divorce just because you’ve argued with your true love, struggled to make peace, or feel misunderstood. Remind yourself: wanting to break up or divorce is just a “feeling,” not a “fact,” and you don’t need to let tragedy become a reality .
We can never truly understand each other; only communication can help us understand each other better ! No one can read minds. Even after decades of sharing a bed, you still can’t know every thought in a person’s mind. So, never assume, “I know him perfectly well; he just…is thinking this!” or “We’ve been together for so long, how could he not know?” These assumptions will only increase misunderstandings and the frequency and intensity of conflicts. In fact, if you don’t say it, he really won’t know what you’re thinking! Or, even if you did say it, he might have genuinely forgotten, not because he doesn’t care about you or doesn’t love you, but because he has a bad memory and forgets everything you said instantly.
The virtues you loved about him in the past may very well be the very flaws you now find utterly repulsive . Conversely, the reasons he loved you in the past may become the reasons he ultimately wants to break up. Understanding this subtlety allows you to see the hidden strengths behind his perceived weaknesses . (For example, you might have initially found him easygoing and cheerful, but now you might find him careless and unkempt. His weaknesses are also his strengths.)
Thinking about relationship problems alone is lonely, and overcoming relationship difficulties alone is extremely difficult. It’s better for two people to discuss and brainstorm together, working together to solve the problem. When two people are of one mind, their strength can move mountains .
There must be perfect matches in the world, but we are often not lucky enough to meet our perfect match (laughs). It’s normal and okay if it’s not a perfect match, because good relationships can be practiced, managed, and cultivated with care .
Your partner is like a mirror, reflecting your true self. Under their gaze, our deepest emotions, desires, and life’s questions often surface. Being with your partner is like embarking on a journey of self-cultivation .
It’s not that you’re incompatible, but rather that your needs are different . He can’t give you what you want, and you can’t give him what he wants. Since you’ve both realized that you can’t meet each other’s needs, focus on meeting your own needs and striving for what you want. Letting him go is also letting yourself go !

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The 10 Hidden Rules to Keep Love Running Smoothly