The Secret Behind Excellent Urban Men and Women on Qixi Festival

Why am I still single even though I live in a first-tier city and have decent conditions in all aspects?

For the sake of happiness for single men and women in first-tier cities, we conducted a series of field surveys and summarized the three biggest pitfalls in the development of heterosexual relationships. We hope everyone can take preventative measures in advance.

First, we’d like to discuss the needs of men and women when looking for a partner:

Men: Due to upbringing, they are taught that men should be responsible and don’t easily shed tears. When they feel frustrated, they can only vent by playing games like PUBG or Arena of Valor and drinking with their buddies. They are not very expressive and their emotional needs are relatively limited. Many men’s needs can be simplified to two things: finding a partner and procreation.

Girls: They love to express their emotions. If they’re sick, laid off, or cheated on, they want the whole world to know and support them. They also hope their boyfriends are all-around perfect—a domineering CEO and a loving family man, able to earn a lot of money, cook well, and always be a warm and caring companion. Of course, we’ve never seen such an unheard-of all-around man, but we can’t blame the girls; after all, there are so many Mary Sue dramas, and who can stand being brainwashed like that? Overall, girls need someone they can rely on both emotionally and practically.

In summary, men’s and women’s needs are mismatched!

After recognizing the current situation, everyone needs to break free from traditional “straight man/straight woman” thinking and adjust their expectations. If you still haven’t found it, why? Please carefully reflect on the following points~

First: Expand your network in multiple dimensions.

College students enjoy romantic moments, while adults consider the pros and cons.

According to market standards for outstanding men and women:

1. Returnees from 211/985 universities or top 30 universities

2. Appearance score of 6 or above

3. Not from families where the father is a “brother-supporting demon,” “mama’s boy,” or “son-preference families.”

4. In your first marriage, don’t mess up your relationship history.

5. Large platform/stable job

6. Have the qualifications to purchase a house and the ability to make a down payment.

7. Easy to get along with

Even among those who meet all the above criteria, there aren’t many left . Even at the University of International Business and Economics, a top-tier university for dating apps, how many girls are truly considered goddesses—appearances that are respectable, family backgrounds that are respectable, jobs that are respectable, the ability to afford property in first-tier cities, and gentle and tolerant? The number of men who meet these requirements is even smaller, given our male-to-female ratio of 2:8.

Adjusting criteria and making appropriate choices can increase the success rate of finding a partner by 30%.

Secondly, we should cast a wide net and focus on cultivating key talents.

While the number of potential partners introduced by colleagues and family is limited, we believe that happiness is something you must strive for. If you want to take control of your own happiness, we suggest not having too high hopes for blind dates. You need to actively screen potential partners yourself, rather than asking others to “screen them for you.” We recommend expanding your pool of potential partners through dating apps, singles gatherings, and other similar channels.

However, we advise everyone that if you’re genuinely looking to get married and settle down, it’s best to avoid these fancy gatherings of overseas returnees/elites. Those “good men and women” who are enthusiastic about these themes are mostly there to snatch up the best and grab the rich.

Secondly, is many-to-many really a good thing?

Having multiple samples helps in objectively evaluating yourself and the other person, understanding their needs, and clarifying your goals. For example, if the first screening leaves 10 people, the second screening assesses their feedback, and the third screening considers feedback from multiple dates, eventually leaving only one or two. While multiple-to-multiple interactions are fine initially, once a clear romantic relationship is established, one-on-one is best. After all, if things aren’t handled well, it’s easy to end up feeling like a “feeding pig” (a term used to describe someone who is easily manipulated or left unattended).

We have a small suggestion: regardless of gender, if you like someone, you should move the relationship forward as soon as possible. Hesitation could easily lead to someone else taking your place.

Third, properly foster closer relationships between men and women.

Girls know that when a guy is pursuing you, he’s very enthusiastic at first, but he gradually cools down later. Girls, on the other hand, tend to be less attentive at first, but their interest in him grows faster later. This situation of guys starting strong and then declining, while girls start weak and then rise, sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

What to do? Don’t do anything reckless!

A torrent of abuse? And then to bleed the other person dry? No way, absolutely not!

Firstly, with the economic downturn, guys are under a lot of pressure, so there aren’t many guys who are really into simps anymore.

Secondly, girls have emotional needs, and so do boys. Boys should respond to their needs and take the initiative when necessary. If there’s any dissatisfaction, it’s okay to voice it. Don’t take winning or losing too seriously. We suggest girls not feel that “whoever initiates the conversation loses value.” And boys shouldn’t think, “Wow, such a beautiful girl is willing to take the initiative with me, doesn’t that make me awesome? Doesn’t that mean I can find someone even better in the future?”

Loving and being loved are also abilities. If you are willing to actively love someone in the right way, trust us, then you are a great person. If you have a certain understanding of “love,” you will know that it is a very low thing to compare yourself to others and nitpick about who will lower their value first.

Of course, just spending all your time on romance isn’t enough; you also need to find other topics to talk about. It’s not about having identical interests and opinions, but about examining how you view issues to see if your values are too different and avoiding potential pitfalls.

For a happy life, please avoid the following types of men and women.

Avoid girls like this:

1. A naive and clueless girl who is oblivious to worldly affairs and unable to protect her own and her family’s interests.

2. A shrew who uses her womb to blackmail everything (I gave birth to your child, you owe me a lifetime of debt).

3. Pseudo-feminist (My name is on the property deed, I will protect the savings. We women are not living well because we are exploited by men, so after marriage you must hand over all your property to me to manage).

4. A spoiled, high-class woman who is always extravagant and lives in a world of endless shopping.

Avoid this type of boy:

1. He can’t stop talking about sex. If you don’t talk about sex, he’ll think you’re sexually frigid.

2. A man who talks a good game and has a polished image, but is lazy and all talk and no action.

3. A guy who only ever asks for your information (parents’ official ranks, where they live, whether they drive a Tesla) and never reveals anything about himself is very likely already married or wants to marry into your family. He’s probably filling out an Excel spreadsheet in his head to create a valuation model for the woman.

4. Has a chauvinistic mentality but lacks the ability to back it up, and doesn’t respect women.
Fourth, talking about money doesn’t hurt feelings.
In the process of dating, problems at any stage can affect whether the relationship can last. Every marriage is a merger or acquisition, and many couples are embarrassed to talk about money. Seriously, if you can break up just by talking about money, what’s the point of keeping the relationship going?
Let’s start with buying a house. There are over 8 million commercial housing units in Beijing. After excluding single women, families, and investments from non-locals and foreigners, how many men are actually left who can own property? And you still expect them to be “outstanding”? I estimate that there are only about a primary school-aged man left who is “marriageable”.
A property starts at 5 million yuan. With a 40% down payment and various taxes and fees, 2.5 million yuan is gone. In reality, young people who can afford to buy a house in Beijing either come from wealthy families or have extraordinary financial resources.
Therefore, since men’s circumstances vary, if there are two or three things that resonate with you, and you both work together to make a down payment and support each other, you can live a wonderful life together.
In advancing a relationship, the most taboo thing is being “cunning”! Cunning behavior leads to excessively high communication costs! If both parties are sincerely in love—whether actively showing it or subtly conveying information—they are at least seriously making progress. The worst thing is one person being “open and aboveboard” while the other remains “silent.” The open and aboveboard person won’t stay open forever; after three unsuccessful attempts, they will definitely turn around and leave. And the silent person, still trying to manipulate the other—well, you’re either an idiot or you think the other person is an idiot.

No matter your circumstances, there’s no shame in speaking openly. After a good conversation (and if you’ve decided to make it long-term, it’s essential to be completely transparent to prepare for the next step of this “merger and acquisition” to build a new family.
Furthermore, cherish sincere people. If they’re willing to reveal their background first, it means they’re seriously considering a long-term relationship. If they’re hesitant and indecisive, it’s better to stop talking to them early on to save time and effort.
Finally, the secret to happiness is to forgive yourself and forgive the other person.
It’s okay for a guy to play a couple of games, bury himself in work, watch movies, or daydream for days without talking to anyone. Besides, even if he cheats on you, you can’t stop him anyway.

You can’t expect too much from a girl. Three or four good qualities are enough: pretty, fertile, intelligent, knowledgeable, and preferably rich. But you’re not Daniel Wu, are you?

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The Secret Behind Excellent Urban Men and Women on Qixi Festival