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Return To ShopFrom Endless Chats to Awkward Silence: This Is How Love Truly Fades
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A friend of mine who has been hesitant to get married revealed her fear of relationships:
It’s not that I don’t yearn for love and marriage, but after being hurt by someone I love, my heart becomes sensitive and timid, and I’m terrified of experiencing it again.
The “hurt” she mentioned was her ex’s growing indifference towards her, until finally, they couldn’t continue the relationship.
When they were deeply in love , her ex treated her like a princess, sharing all the delicious food and fun things with her immediately.
Having never been in a relationship before, she rarely met someone who loved her so much. She devoted almost her entire heart to him, putting love before everything else. She was particularly concerned and nervous about anything related to her boyfriend.
About six months later, my friend thought their relationship could develop further, but her boyfriend suddenly became mysterious, wouldn’t reply to her texts for half a day, and always made excuses that he was too busy when they asked him to go out for dinner on the weekend.
What’s even stranger is that people used to share everything with each other on WeChat, but this kind of interaction has become less and less frequent, and in the end, it’s just one-way contact and communication between friends.
My friend sensed something was wrong and finally mustered the courage to ask the other person what was going on, but the other person, as if they had foreseen it, broke up with me first and then completely disappeared from my friend’s life.
This incident was a huge blow to my friend. For almost a year, she was immersed in the pain of being dumped and often asked:
“We were a great couple, we shared the same goals and got along really well, so why did it end up like this?”
Frankly speaking, my friend’s question reflects the sentiments of many people who have had similar experiences.
I really don’t understand how someone who used to share everything with me and who gave me their heart and soul could end up drifting apart.
It’s all the work of dopamine.
In his book *The Greed of Dopamine*, biology professor Daniel Lieberman tells the following story:
Sean fell in love with a girl named Samantha, and the two hit it off immediately, quickly becoming a couple.
During their relationship, Sean felt like he was welcoming a golden future every day. In particular, the more time he spent with his girlfriend, the stronger his excitement became, and he longed to be with her all the time.
His thoughts about his girlfriend are endless; no other woman can catch his eye.
In the heat of the moment, Sean had the idea of being with his girlfriend forever, so he proposed to her, and the two secretly pledged their lives to each other.
But things started to change a few months after the honeymoon.
Although they were still deeply in love with each other, the intense desire had lessened, the excitement had subsided, and the deep sense of satisfaction they felt at the beginning of their relationship had gradually faded.
When the expectation of endless possibilities for the future gradually feels unrealistic and when he no longer misses his partner as often, Sean begins to see other women, and Samantha also indulges herself in looking at other men.
The author explicitly states that ” dopamine is at work ” regarding this phenomenon .
Dopamine, the “happy molecule” in the brain, once activated, brings boundless pleasure, making people fascinated and attracted.
Like Sean and Samantha, when they first met, there was so much exciting mystery between them that they couldn’t wait to be together, making each other their center and willing to talk about anything.
However, the excitement produced by dopamine is not lasting. As many of the expected things gradually come true, the mystery fades, and the contact between each other becomes a boring and familiar routine, and the dopamine disappears .
That’s why when many people first get together, they’re like long-lost confidants, and they can’t get enough of talking.
However, after spending some time together, when they realize that their partner is not as wonderful as they imagined, and even has some flaws that they cannot accept, they can no longer continue the relationship.
“Modern young people are far more capable of breaking up than of falling in love.”
When it comes to dating, different people have different interpretations.
Li Zongsheng said that love is nothing more than a high fever, and longing is the cough that never gets better.
Medical experts, however, say that love, from beginning to end, is nothing more than a chemical reaction .
But no matter who says it, one thing is undeniable: love comes quickly and goes quickly.
If you try to maintain a relationship based solely on feelings, it’s destined to end in failure.
In the Japanese drama “Tokyo Men’s Guidebook”, the male protagonist, Shota, changes girlfriends as frequently as he changes clothes.
Many times, while his girlfriend is still being affectionate with him, he has already turned his attention to other girls.
When his girlfriend questioned him, “What do I mean to you?”, he bluntly stated that he had changed his mind and wanted to break up.
Every relationship comes and goes quickly, entirely dependent on his/her whim.
Despite having countless girlfriends, he still couldn’t find a soulmate with whom he could settle down, and in the end, he couldn’t even find true love.
In fact, people nowadays rarely consider what love is or how to maintain it.
Even though they crave love and have that irresistible urge to get closer to someone, they often lose interest in their partner instantly because of the smallest details that ruin their beautiful illusions.
In modern times, it seems that it only takes a second for people to go from being attracted to someone to falling in love .
Professor Liang Yong’an of Fudan University pointed out incisively: “People’s ability to break up now far exceeds their ability to fall in love.”
Although on the surface, people nowadays have freedom in love and many choices, and can have the opportunity to be with someone as long as they want to.
But the biggest problem is that everyone has a battlefield deep inside their heart.
When faced with challenges or troubles, the urge to “break up” or “give up” grows stronger, and if anything seems amiss, it feels difficult to continue.
Ultimately, people are used to calculating love in terms of success and failure. When faced with the choice of “continuing the relationship” or “not continuing the relationship,” they are likely to choose the latter based on their feelings.
The core reason why most people experience heartbreak is that they don’t try anything and are unwilling to solve the problems they see.
The prerequisites for lasting love are maturity and sincerity.
Professor Liang Yong’an believes that love is ultimately an inner feeling. Only when one invests and gives in a relationship can the individual’s feelings be truly complete.
If you want your love to last longer, you must do these three things:
1 ) Enhance your understanding of love and comprehend what “love” is.
How a person interprets “love” leads to vastly different approaches when facing romantic relationships.
Some people, because they didn’t learn or have the opportunity to see the right way to love in their early life experiences, rely entirely on feelings and impulses to maintain relationships.
In addition, whether or not one has systematically learned about “love” during their school years, much of their knowledge comes from hearsay and their own understanding.
Therefore, it is important to learn the essence of love and understand what true love is.
Many people who have been in and out of love have truly understood the essence of “love,” realizing that love cannot be based entirely on feelings, but requires thought and effort to learn how to manage it, and no longer acts impulsively or indulges their desires.
Instead, they should treat their feelings with caution, think things through before deciding to go in, and even if they encounter many difficulties and challenges, as long as they do not touch on matters of principle, they can try to find solutions and persevere.
2 ) Learn to express yourself sincerely and communicate any problems promptly.
In a relationship, the worst thing you can do is be suspicious. Once uncertainty arises in the relationship and you don’t communicate properly, it can easily be ruined by misunderstandings.
Love, when it is sincere, is true love, and the other person can always feel its genuine intention.
Whatever you want to express, don’t try too hard to hide it. Be yourself, empathize with the other person, and let them understand you. In the end, you are the one who benefits.
If you sense something is wrong, or there is a misunderstanding, you must remain calm and find a suitable time to discuss it with the other party.
Do not let emotions cloud your judgment or excessively vent your dissatisfaction. To retain the other person and get them to resolve the issue amicably, you need to genuinely commit and let them know:
“I really want to be with you and solve any problems together.”
True love means achieving the desired goal using the simplest methods.
3 ) Love cannot be retained, and you should not doubt yourself.
Many people have high hopes for love, dreaming of knowing and cherishing their loved ones, growing old together.
But not everyone is destined to stay together until the end. So if you accidentally drift apart and the other person is unwilling to continue being together, you must learn to let go and move on.
Knowing there’s no future, the best course of action isn’t to fight to the death, but to turn around appropriately, leaving the place with your still confident and beautiful self.
As someone once said, “Some people appear in your life just to teach you a lesson, and then we go our separate ways.”
Everyone deserves to be loved, including those who have experienced heartbreak.
Since you’ve drifted apart, don’t dwell on it anymore. You should learn from the experience, prepare yourself, and wait for the next relationship.
Don’t doubt yourself, don’t let yourself fall into self-blame, but live your life more diligently, look ahead, and keep moving forward.
In life, there are always many unpleasant moments, especially when it comes to love, which is full of unpredictable and uncontrollable changes.
Some people love each other but can’t stay together in the end; some people once cherished you but were destined to be apart from you.
But no matter what, everyone spends a lifetime learning to love and learning to let go.
As long as you remain confident and continue to improve yourself, you will eventually meet the perfect soulmate.
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