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01/
You can’t be yourself.
For any relationship to last, it must meet one condition: both people must feel comfortable being together.
I’ve always told my readers that if you feel very tired, very uncomfortable, or even exhausted every time you’re with someone, then that person isn’t right for you. A lasting relationship inevitably involves a long period of ordinariness. If you’re with someone and you’re always on edge, cautious in everything you do, afraid that you’ll lose their love if you say the wrong thing, then it’s time to end it sooner rather than later. Because you can’t be yourself, you’ll feel very tired. Although we tend to present our best selves when we’re in a relationship, hoping to be loved in return. However, if you can’t be yourself and show your most authentic self, then the other person will fall in love with the fake you, not the real you. You’ll get tired eventually, won’t you? You’ll want to be yourself eventually, because being yourself is the easiest thing to do. If you can’t be yourself and have to pretend to be someone else to be loved, then the relationship is destined not to last. Therefore, love should be about accepting the most authentic version of yourself, not just loving your best side. If you want to have a long-term relationship with this person, you must gradually show your true self and become yourself again. If he can accept that, then you are a good match.
02/
Arguing is common.The Cold War was a habit. A friend told me that every time she argues with her boyfriend, she has a habit of blocking him or even immediately deleting all his contact information. She felt great. I said, it’s great, but this kind of thing is okay once or twice, but not every time. If you always avoid each other and get into the habit of the silent treatment, then your relationship will not last. She asked me why? I said, “Think about it. Isn’t your argument because of disagreements? But instead of trying to resolve them, you choose to avoid them and rely on one of you to appease the other. In reality, the problem still exists.” It may seem that one party’s apology proves that the other person loves you very much, but in reality, the conflicts between you have not been resolved at all, but will instead accumulate slowly. When it finally erupts, it will end directly. Then she asked me, “What should we do?” I replied that it’s very simple: if you have a fight, you should argue, but after the fight, you should face it together, think about where the problem lies, and how to solve it. As long as two people are willing to face problems together, problems are no longer problems. There is an exception: if you are together and you argue almost all the time, and it happens frequently, then you are probably not compatible. Don’t continue to torture each other; it’s too exhausting. I know many men like to give each other the silent treatment because they are used to avoiding it and feel that they should coax their girlfriends when they face the situation, but actually avoiding it is useless. Don’t think that just because you’ve made amends on the surface, everything is fine. Someone who truly loves you won’t just leave you there after making amends; they’ll find a way to solve the problem. Of course, this process requires effort from both people; one shouldn’t always expect the other to bear it alone. Only love like this can last.
03/
In addition to regular programs,We have no other shared interests.
If a relationship is based solely on consumer-related activities such as eating, shopping, dating, watching movies, and going to hotels, without any other genuine shared interests, it is unlikely to last. When two people are together, they are essentially a community of shared interests. Some younger readers might think that dating is just for fun, so why should they consider the issue of interests? But in reality, what allows for a lasting emotional relationship is when the interests of the two people are intertwined. For example, if two people are both interested in making money and they also have love for each other, this kind of relationship can last. For example, if two people have a deep passion for a certain type of anime, and share a strong affinity for a certain worldview and values, and can always reach a consensus, then such a relationship can last. A truly healthy romantic relationship involves trying to break the mold and not just sticking to conventional ways of getting along. Love isn’t just about eating and drinking; it’s about finding a relationship that resonates at the core of your being, beyond just having fun. Therefore, I have always suggested that readers try to have deeper spiritual exchanges, and set aside some time each month to understand each other’s real lives, as well as the gains and emotions in those lives. Love is about growing together; this kind of relationship where you can move forward together is the kind that can truly last.
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