Real Stories: How 50 Long-Distance Couples Handle Physical Intimacy

Amu and Xiaoxi have been together for seven years, and have been in a long-distance relationship for three of those years.

One of them is in Shenzhen, and the other is in Russia.

So we can only see each other a few times a year, and can only relieve our longing through video calls.

Once, I was chatting with Xiaoxi, and somehow we started talking about how you two deal with each other’s sexual needs.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Xi waved her hand boldly and calmly said, ” Just think about how we got through it when we didn’t know each other or when we were single. We both have hands !”

So, how do long-distance couples usually satisfy their sexual needs?

This time, Xiao An Studio interviewed 50 long-distance couples and randomly selected some typical answers:

Xiao Mi, 27 years old, English translator, based in Beijing.

Last year, we graduated from university. After graduation, due to various issues, I chose to go north and he chose to go south, so we became a long-distance couple.

My boyfriend is the kind of person with a normal sex drive, which I’ve known since college.

But I’m different. I have a very strong sex drive. When he was around, I didn’t have to restrain myself. I could just ask him whenever I needed him. Now that he’s not around, I can’t satisfy these needs, and sometimes my mental state isn’t very good.

At first, some people around me told me that I could go out and hook up, but I had never tried it, so I was a little resistant to it.

Later, I couldn’t stand it anymore and decided to give it a try. And that’s when I got to experience that thrilling feeling.

But my casual sex partner was in a similar situation to me; he had a long-distance relationship.

So we’re so in sync that we only talk about sex and not love. After we’re done, we hardly say a word to each other. Of course, I can’t tell my boyfriend about this. If he knew, he’d go crazy and definitely wouldn’t be able to accept it.

I know very well that I only love my boyfriend, and those other things were just helpless ways of venting.

Ah Feng, a 29-year-old programmer, is located in Shenzhen.

Due to work reasons, I was transferred to work in Shenzhen.

His girlfriend, on the other hand, stayed in Chengdu to continue working as a primary school teacher because she couldn’t bear to leave those children.

We were also bothered by this problem at first; we always needed to find a way to vent.

I’m good-looking, and I have a lot of female colleagues at work, so quite a few girls have shown interest in me, including some who are beautiful and have great figures .

Actually, no matter how I look at it, I, as a man, wouldn’t be at a disadvantage in this situation. But as soon as I think about betraying my girlfriend and doing that kind of thing with a woman I don’t love, I feel very resistant.

Later, I suggested to my girlfriend that we could be a little more sexy and provocative when chatting or video calling.

That way, even if you end up doing it yourself, it’ll be a bit more exciting, hehe.

At first, I was worried that a long-distance relationship might affect our feelings, but now I feel that because of the long-distance relationship, I am even clearer about my love for her.

Xinyou, 26 years old, cashier, located in Hangzhou

I am a relatively traditional and conservative person.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years before we started having sex.

He works in engineering, and he spends almost 80% of his time traveling to different places, which is no different from a long-distance relationship.

But sometimes, we all have needs, and these can’t be solved by simply enduring them.

Once when we were talking about this, he told me that I could actually do it by hand or with the help of some small tools. I blushed a little when I heard that, because I had never tried to do it that way before.

They’ve never even used their hands, let alone sex toys.

Sometimes he would even buy those things specifically to teach me how to use them, and he would also say that he could show me instructional videos so that I could learn better by watching them.

Thinking back to how I looked then, my whole body feels burning and I’m a little embarrassed. He kept laughing when he saw my expression.

But that’s not the case anymore. Occasionally I’ll take care of it myself with my hands, and I’ve used the ones he bought for me a few times.

He also said that he would come back to be with me whenever he had free time, and that he wouldn’t have to keep running back and forth once things were settled on his end.

Aze started his business at age 30 in Shanghai.

My girlfriend is the kind of person who doesn’t have many ambitions. She feels content with living an ordinary and stable life. She is currently a civil servant in her hometown.

I’ve tried to persuade her several times to come work for me, but she just won’t budge, and I can’t do anything about it.

When it comes to sexual needs, I don’t really like hooking up or anything like that; I feel there’s no guarantee in that area.

So I simply found a girlfriend here. She’s so much better than the one I had back home, both in terms of figure, looks, and inner qualities.

Moreover, this saves a lot of trouble and eliminates many worries.

This matter will not be discovered as long as the secrecy is well maintained, and in the end, I will choose to marry whoever I like more.

But I think he would choose his girlfriend from Shanghai.

Because I have more time to spend with her, meet her, and have sex with her directly, while I don’t see her often back home, so our relationship is bound to fade.

Anonymous 30-year-old vice president of a small private company, located in Zhejiang.

My girlfriend and I are both the kind of people who are playful and have a strong sex drive.

Problems are bound to arise when people are in different places; everyone knows that. Regarding the solution to this problem, we were initially in complete agreement.

Everyone can do their own thing and not interfere with each other, as long as they remember to wear condoms to avoid getting sick.

We’ve been together since college, which means it’s been about ten years.

You say we have no feelings for each other, but that’s not how it works. She will always have a place in my heart. It’s just that we’re both quite open-minded and can accept this.

I think so too. If we keep suppressing and restraining ourselves, it will definitely be very painful and uncomfortable. So it’s better to let loose. We also clearly distinguish between what is just sex and what is love.

When we met, we understood each other implicitly, and our passion ignited like dry wood meeting a flame.

Maybe this situation will end when we’re no longer in a long-distance relationship, but maintaining this open sexual relationship is fine for now; at least we’re both satisfied and happy.

Anonymous nurse, location: Chongqing

I’m fairly good-looking. My boyfriend works abroad, and I’ve always kept my relationship status a secret. Even my close friends rarely know, let alone my colleagues.

So I have quite a few suitors, and I enjoy that feeling. It’s just that I’m quite picky; I don’t accept just anyone.

There’s a doctor in my department at the hospital who really likes me and takes good care of me both at work and in life.

Later, he directly expressed his attitude to me, but he also said that it was impossible for him to be with me because he has a wife and children.

Then I thought about it again, and it’s actually quite good. We each get what we need without having to take responsibility, satisfy each other’s physical needs, and don’t have to waste time guessing each other’s intentions.

So, he’s been a fairly stable sexual partner of mine. The key is that he’s handsome and skilled, which makes him very desirable.

Of course, my boyfriend knows absolutely nothing about this, and I would never let him know even a tiny bit. If he found out, given his temper, there would be a world war.

Most importantly, once our long-distance relationship ends, my relationship with the doctor in my department will also end, I can guarantee that.

A summary that is not a summary

Personally, I think that if a long-distance relationship is unavoidable and you want to continue the relationship well, then this aspect cannot be ignored.

When it comes to sex drive, some people have a stronger libido and some have a weaker one, so it’s important to find a balance between each other. Occasionally, you can also communicate with your partner about it.

But in reality, when there is a need, one can take care of it oneself, or one can appropriately use some adult sex toys, and there is nothing sinful or shameful about it.

As long as it’s done in moderation and not excessively, I think it’s a great way to vent.

In addition, you can shift your focus and put more energy into improving your skills, read more books to relieve your desires, or expend your physical energy and divert your sexual desires by running, swimming, or playing ball.

Of course, this method doesn’t always work, because sometimes it’s hard to control desires, so appropriate masturbation becomes very important at such times.

I believe that most people are more accepting of masturbation than their partner engaging in casual sex or one-night stands. After all, couples who secretly engage in casual sex or one-night stands are more likely to break up in the end!

Most importantly, as long as you love each other, being in a long-distance relationship isn’t a big problem, because people who don’t love each other are like separated by an insurmountable galaxy, even if they’re not in a long-distance relationship.

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Real Stories: How 50 Long-Distance Couples Handle Physical Intimacy