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Return To ShopWhy First Intimacy Feels Impossible: My Honest Story
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Hi everyone, I’m Weiwei. I met my husband when I was 30. He was my first love. Before meeting him, I always thought I was a perfectly normal woman and had no idea that I was abnormal in that area. During our courtship, when things got intense, I would want to take things to the next level with my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time). But every time we got to the crucial moment, I would always avoid it, clench my legs, and become so tense that my whole body would be stiff, making it impossible for my husband to go any further. My husband was also very frustrated; after all, any man would feel uncomfortable if he couldn’t get the goose out of the bow. But at that time, I attributed it to my own conservatism and my unwillingness to have sex before marriage, thinking that things would be better after marriage. But frustratingly, after marriage, I was still in the same situation, or even worse. My husband and I tried many times but couldn’t get penetration. So much so that if my husband said, “Let’s try again tomorrow night,” I would be in a state of tension and anxiety for those two days, unable to concentrate on anything. What made me even more anxious was that I found that the repeated failures had caused my husband to become somewhat averse to sex. That’s when I realized the seriousness of the problem and started seeking help online.
So I searched online for keywords like “fear of the first time” and found that quite a few women have this problem, which made me realize that I’m not “different.” There are many methods online, some suggesting using numbing cream, but others objecting to the dangers of misusing numbing creams. Some suggest getting drunk, but when faced with something truly frightening, even alcohol can help maintain some sobriety. Moreover, none of these methods are long-term solutions, because even if you overcome the fear this time, you’ll still be afraid next time; the problem remains unsolved. Therefore, the most important thing is for us to have a correct understanding of sex, recognizing that it’s normal and won’t harm us.
So I searched for solutions online and learned that the professional name for my condition is “vaginism,” a psychological disorder. However, there were very few practical solutions online, and even those that did often involved expensive treatments with no guarantee of a cure. After much thought, I started trying to find solutions myself. Persistence pays off, and after several months of trial and error, I gradually overcame the problem. Although the process was difficult, the result was good. My husband and I have been having normal sex for quite some time now, and we are trying to conceive, hoping for good news.
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