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Return To ShopQuality Over Length: What Women Really Think About Intimacy Timing
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How long should sex last? Well, I’ll give you an answer: sex should last 1 hour, 51 minutes, and 55 seconds, which is exactly the airtime of the movie “Love or Not”! (Just kidding!). While I have great respect for people who strive to be good at it in life (and for their concern about this issue), I’m certainly joking because there’s no specific duration for sex, but people often confuse prolonged sex with perfect sex.
“Marathon sex” is often used by men to measure how passionate and intense a night of passion is. While a quick and intense encounter can be fun, both marathon sex and super-long-lasting sex are part of a balanced sex life, not the whole story. They’re like candy and ice cream at opposite ends of the food spectrum—delicious, but not suitable for everyday consumption.
While there is no standard answer to this question, a 2005 study published in the *Journal of Sexual Medicine* asked a group of sex therapists how long men and women felt that sexual intercourse should last. The study resulted in four categories: “appropriate,” “too short,” “too long,” and “ideal” (the time here refers to penetration time, excluding foreplay). 1-2 minutes was rated “too short,” 10-30 minutes was “too long,” “appropriate” penetration time was 3-7 minutes, and “ideal” time was 7-13 minutes.
Of course, these time classifications cannot be taken as the true average time for the average person. After all, no one in a normal sexual relationship uses a stopwatch to calculate or answer how long the last penetration lasted (especially since there are many ways to define sex, and some people might include licking toes in their calculations). For example, some people (and most studies) only calculate the duration of penetration, which is not an effective way to measure the quality of sex, and it has nothing to do with the quality of orgasm.
So I asked some women (including those who identify as non-binary and whose ID cards say they are female) how long they hoped their sex life would last. With a few exceptions, the answers generally fell into the range of 5-10 minutes for actual penetration, but the key point was “they hoped for longer foreplay”!
Respondent A: “I find myself quite impatient in bed, or maybe I just haven’t met anyone worth spending more time with.”
Respondent B: “I know it sounds like I’m talking too fast, but honestly, the whole sex session lasts 15-20 minutes, and penetration only takes up about a quarter of that time.”
Two women and one non-binary woman: “Ideal sex, including foreplay, should last about an hour.”
It sounds like she’s really pushing herself, but she’s happy as long as they enjoy it! However, I’ve found that people often say they want sex to last longer than they actually do. Some women say this because they initially just want their partners to prove they care about their sex life. Almost everyone I informally interviewed felt their answers were shorter than the average expected duration. In fact, my calculations show that, regardless of whether the answers match the typical penetration time or even exceed it, the average penetration time is approximately 5.4 minutes.
Anyway, I’m not saying shorter sex is better. But according to a Twitter poll, “Do you get bored or wish it was over during penetrative sex?” 82% of 819 respondents agreed. The reason I’m asking this is because I genuinely get bored during long penetrative sex, just thinking about whether my agent has Lined me, what to eat later, or if I forgot to buy coffee beans for breakfast? (My partner is so pitiful!)
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