Intimacy Literacy Classes: From “Too Radical” to Rave Reviews

So, we can talk about the vagina.

On June 8, 2013, on the recommendation of a friend, I went to Tainan to watch the 9th annual performance of “The Vagina Monologues” by the Garden of Hope Foundation . _[1]

This performance truly shocked me. Although I am a middle-aged woman with sexual and childbirth experience, I had long forgotten that the vagina is the entrance and exit of life. It can close and expand, it can be injured and healed, and it is the core of a woman’s physical experience.

At the end of the performance, the host led us to reflect: cool people and things can be described as “awesome!”, but “fake” is just an insulting swear word. Finally, she led us in a campaign to redefine the term, encouraging us to give the actors and director a thumbs up and say, “You guys are awesome!!!”, as the greatest praise for the performers.

Still feeling excited, I posted my feelings on Facebook. Unexpectedly, it inspired Tsai Ya-ching, a graduate student at National Kaohsiung Normal University who was looking for a topic for her master’s thesis. She invited me to be her case teacher for her thesis observation and to collaborate with her on a gender curriculum designed around the vagina.

I casually said, “Okay!” thinking it would be a new experience and inject new vitality into my general education courses. At first, it was just for fun, but later I realized that the fun actually contained a lot of confusion and anxiety that women experience.

As a biological female, born after my two older brothers, I received more love and privileges than them. My parents also supported me in developing my abilities and potential, and I did not experience any particular gender shock during my growth.

It wasn’t until I got married and became pregnant that I truly realized the uniqueness and unfairness of being a woman, through changes in household chores, sex, and the physical and mental changes brought about by pregnancy. However, many of these changes and clashes in my life experiences were overwhelmed by the busyness and pressure of working after returning from studying abroad.

I entered this class with my previous subjective position and female identity, only to find that it was a process of reinterpreting feminist education from unfamiliarity, alienation, and contradiction, and also a process of my own growth and transformation in gender awareness as a woman standing in the position of a university teacher.

Is this class too insane?

In September 2013, my graduate student Yaqing and I officially incorporated the topic of vagina into our general education course. Considering the male students in the class, we also included the discussion of male genitalia (in this article, I focus more on the description of female vaginal experiences). Because of the significant changes to the previous course, it was necessary to explain everything clearly in the first class, especially the three controversial assignments, hoping that students would think carefully before choosing the course.

1. Draw your private parts symbolically or realistically, and answer three questions:
What did you feel when you first started drawing?
After you finish drawing, how do you feel looking at your finished product?
Please describe the vagina/penis in a short poem.
2. After watching pornographic films featuring homosexuals and heterosexuals, write down your feelings and reflections.
3. Please write down your various private experiences about the vagina/penis.

To respect students’ diverse and private experiences, this assignment will not be graded; full marks will be given as long as it is submitted. Students who have concerns and do not wish to submit their assignments will also have their wishes respected.

The first assignment, drawing private parts, will be exhibited anonymously in a sex organ gallery, allowing students to vote for their favorite work; the second assignment, reflecting on pornography, will share some students’ thoughts anonymously; the third assignment, writing about private matters, is the most private, covering a wide range of experiences from first menstruation, masturbation, sex, to seeing a doctor.

At the end of their assignments, students indicate whether they would like me to read their work anonymously, and they can express their concerns if they do. By using the non-grading and anonymity methods, I make students feel safe and respected when submitting their assignments.

Even with these anonymity security measures, some students still withdrew after the first class, which deterred other students from signing up. There were even rumors that some female students were calling me a pervert behind my back. Two female students withdrew midway through the semester, stating their reason as “unable to accept this kind of course.”

I was surprised myself. Although I was uneasy, I still wanted to continue. I believed that the more taboo the topic, the closer it was to my inner self, and the deeper the risk I took, the deeper I could go. Fortunately, a year later, I no longer heard any rumors of criticism. As word of mouth from students gradually spread, it attracted interested and willing participants to the class.

Through students’ private assignments, I saw their aversion to vagina and menstruation, their shame about masturbation, their confusion about sex, and their regret after engaging in half-hearted sexual acts. All of this inspired me to continue promoting this course, so that more girls and boys could see their bodies and desires from a new perspective.

Some students even said that this course changed their lives, and others encouraged me to continue no matter what obstacles I faced. These girls and boys seemed to reach out hands, put their arms around my shoulders, and encourage me to keep going, saying that this kind of course is very valuable. In fact, this course not only benefited the students who had taken it before, but also allowed me to constantly reflect on and transform my own gender awareness.

Put aside moral judgments and understand the diversity of sexual experiences.

In the preparation for the class, Ya-ching sent me a briefing on the first class via Facebook. When I saw the real pictures of vaginas and penises, I suddenly felt tightness in my chest, embarrassment and extreme discomfort. I could talk about the words “vagina” and “penis” so naturally, but seeing the real pictures made me feel apprehensive and shocked.

Even when I anonymously read aloud my classmates’ private writings, some of which were as daring as erotic novels, I noticed strange reactions in my ears and genitals as I read them aloud. All of this made me rethink my role as a teacher in gender education.

While I can guide students to think about gender issues in a patriarchal society, there is often a disconnect between rational cognition and emotional feeling. In this case, I am no longer an authority on knowledge. Instead, I have to sincerely face my own curiosity and confusion about intimate topics, admit the fluctuations of my desires, and the embarrassment and unease in my mind. I am willing to explore inward with my students. Therefore, I put aside the professional role of an authority figure and put myself in the same position as my students, pursuing growth and finding answers.

As a result, I was repeatedly challenged and had to readjust myself when faced with different private assignments.

Rethinking the Autonomy of Women’s Sexual Desire

I agree with Audre Lorde (1934-1992)’s view on female “desire”. Patriarchal society makes women feel pain, inferiority and self-denial because of the existence of desire. She advocates that women should rediscover that desire is a woman’s rich inner life force and a powerful creative energy (translated by Sun Ruihui, 1999).

Even though I agree with this viewpoint, it’s still surprising when I see a lesbian student admit in her writing that she has a very strong sex drive:

“Everyone says that people with long arm hair have a strong sex drive, and I don’t deny it. I am a girl with long arm hair, and I only love girls. That is what people call a lesbian.”

I was momentarily stunned, feeling somewhat abrupt. This wasn’t so much a reaction to women, but rather a sense of unease about the physiological fact that women have strong sexual desires. For me, this wasn’t a moral aversion, but more accurately, a psychological discomfort.

A semester later, a freshman girl described her sex life with her boyfriend in a relaxed, conversational style, revealing herself to be a woman who enjoys sex in a variety of ways:

“Our universities aren’t far apart, so we see each other about once a month. When we’re not together, we text or call each other. When I call him, I find a nice, unique B&B with good value for money and wait for him after school. Then our lovemaking begins. Whether it’s the traditional missionary position, the doggy style, or rocking him hard, seeing his satisfied face gives me a great sense of accomplishment. Showering together can also spark something, so we do it again! The next morning, I wake up naturally, satisfied (I love seeing my loved one as soon as I open my eyes), and a good morning kiss sparks something again, so we do it again, haha (thankfully, he’s considerate enough not to make my back ache so I can’t stand up). In short, two people with high desires won’t stop until we’ve had sex at least three times a day. After we’re done, I’m so excited and miss my boyfriend so much, haha, I can’t wait to see him again!”

Six months later, when I saw this article again, about women with strong sexual desires who expressed their desires in multiple ways, my feelings changed from discomfort to disbelief. It turns out that such women really exist around me.

A year later, another woman wrote about her gradually increasing libido: “Immersing myself in the beauty of sex, I felt my libido greatly increased…” Such writings are rare, and I realized that even though I rationally accepted the feminist discourse on the autonomy of women’s sexual desires, the passive view of women’s sexual desires under patriarchal society was still deeply rooted in my heart. These writings broke through my gender stereotypes time and time again, allowing me to gradually move from rationality to genuine acceptance of women’s initiative in sexual desire.

Regarding abortion

In 2015, a story about abortion came out. When I saw it, I was very surprised. How could an 18-year-old dare to share her abortion experience before she started school so sincerely?

Her reason was: “I want more people to remember that my child once lived, to remember his short life in this world.” Her reaction puzzled me.

Choosing to have an abortion violated my moral values. While I respect diverse sexual choices, I always insist that safe sex is key to responsible sex, and abortion falls outside the scope of what I consider responsibility. She mentioned that although she used condoms for contraception, she never expected to get pregnant, which prompted her to repeatedly reflect on what it means to be responsible for life.

“Throughout the whole process, what confused me the most was what responsibility means. When a very trusted friend told me that if you want to have fun, you have to be responsible, I thought about whether to have children or not, which is a choice, and every choice must be taken into account. There are also many people who have children but cannot take good care of them. Is that a good thing? After reflecting on the whole process, I realized that I cannot bear the responsibility of raising children now, so I will not have children. I am also taking responsibility for my life in this way.”

As she clearly recounted her reflection process, she explained that once pregnancy occurs, the timing and ability to assume the responsibility of bearing and raising a child vary from person to person, so how could I easily make an “irresponsible” judgment?

After shedding the “tragic” and “irresponsible” labels attached to abortion, I had the opportunity to hear a story that was far richer and more diverse than just the word “abortion.”

3P sex

In 2016, a story about a threesome emerged, written by a female student I admired who was highly engaged in class. Reading her account of a threesome, I was puzzled—how could such a diligent student engage in it? I realized then that threesomes were not included in the gender-diverse society I thought I accepted. In her writing, she focused on her own psychological journey:

“After dating for a while, we learned that we both wanted to try a threesome. We talked about it many times, considering our partner’s feelings and the future of our relationship. It took us almost half a year to go from considering it to actually doing it. Even on the day itself, I was still very indecisive and almost wanted to back out. But because I couldn’t accept having sex with someone other than my boyfriend, the other male partner didn’t penetrate me, but there was other intimate contact. Maybe my boyfriend and I are both people who are not bound by convention or worldly views, which is why we dared to try it. After trying it, I found that I was just curious and didn’t particularly love threesomes. Afterwards, my relationship with my boyfriend was no different from before.”

I’ve always had a stereotype of “3P” as infidelity and promiscuity. It was only after this female student talked about her various considerations and struggles that I had the opportunity to break the stereotype that 3P is just the unfaithful behavior of a group of sexually impulsive people. This sincere writing has broadened my understanding of the context of 3P stories.

Through years of practice in this gender education course that focuses on the vagina, I have gained a deeper understanding of gender issues in a patriarchal society. I have moved away from the traditional, didactic teaching model and allowed myself and my students to experience and explore the confusion and awkwardness in gender education together.

I feel myself gradually connecting with my bodily experiences to rediscover my whole self. I continuously engage in intimate dialogues with my students, and my understanding expands beyond mere knowledge to include understanding and respecting differences within individual contexts. My gender education courses will continue, and the ripples of change will continue to occur, extend, and expand…

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Intimacy Literacy Classes: From “Too Radical” to Rave Reviews