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Return To Shop“Childhood Sexual Development: Understanding Early Physical Sensations Through a Clinical Lens”
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1
When I was a child, my family had a large courtyard in the countryside, planted with many fruit trees. Every spring and summer, the fruit trees blossomed, the willows sprouted tender buds, and the elms produced sweet elm seeds. At this time, the courtyard became our playground, where my friends and I would often gather to play. Climbing trees was our favorite activity. That courtyard left me with many wonderful memories, but one incident left an indelible shadow on my heart, accompanying me for many years.
In the late spring and early summer of my tenth year, willow branches swayed in the wind, and fruit trees blossomed in profusion, vying for attention. Someone suggested a tree-climbing competition. Under an old locust tree, we began our contest to see who could pick the biggest branch of locust blossoms. I said I’d go first, and like a valiant warrior, I swiftly climbed the thick trunk.
Halfway up, I suddenly felt a strange sensation, like an electric current striking my lower abdomen, extending deep into my body, and then spreading downwards, causing a faint itch between my legs. My body shuddered, and I involuntarily wrapped my legs around the tree trunk for a short rest; it felt quite comfortable. My companions below shouted again, “Why aren’t you climbing anymore? Otherwise, you’ll lose!” So I struggled to climb upwards again, but the hot and itchy sensation between my legs kept coming in waves, and the itch forced me to twist and turn to relieve it.
To avoid arousing my friends’ suspicion, I had to say I couldn’t climb any further and gave up. Once I reached the ground, the pleasure vanished. I was curious about why I felt that way, and then tried a few more times on other trees, each time experiencing varying degrees of itching. I was terrified, thinking I had worms in my body. Every time I climbed a tree, the worms would come out and bite, and the bites were embarrassing to talk about. It was truly a disease that made me incredibly ashamed.
The next day I tried climbing the tree again, and the itchy pleasure persisted. My face also felt hot. From then on, I stopped climbing trees, but I harbored a secret I couldn’t tell anyone, a secret that was incredibly embarrassing. That itch, like an unsolved mystery, left an indelible mark on my heart.
I had opened Pandora’s box, and I felt like the “little bug” would punish me at any moment. Actually, I really wanted to ask my mother, but several times the words were on the tip of my tongue, and I didn’t say them. At that time, my breasts were slowly developing, and two cute little bumps had already appeared. But my busy mother didn’t seem to care about my physical changes.
2
When I was in junior high school, I had to live at school, so the opportunities to play with my friends gradually decreased. As my homework increased, I forgot about climbing trees and ignored the thrill of it.
During puberty, I became obsessed with romance novels. After self-study, I’d hide under the covers and read them. The detailed descriptions of lovemaking in the novels made my face flush and my heart race. I felt a restless, itchy sensation between my legs, exactly like the feeling I had when I climbed trees back then. This time, I was certain that these feelings only came from when men and women were doing something naughty. So, my body is rather dirty, and my heart is rather lewd?!
Anxiety and worry made me afraid to read romance novels anymore, to avoid the urge to indulge in my “sinful” feelings. I even avoided contact with male classmates, fearing that someone might accidentally discover my secret.
Because of a sense of guilt, I often kept to myself during that period, which made me seem very different.
To avoid any selfish thoughts, I focused all my attention on my textbooks, no longer thinking about the plots in the novels or climbing trees. They were like a plague; I dared not provoke them and quickly drove them away from my memory and reality.
3
During my senior year of high school, I happened to read an article in a legal magazine. The article analyzed cases about why women who had been raped didn’t report it. Some examples demonstrated that the experience of pleasure for women was uncertain.
The article states that, according to incomplete statistics, only 7% of women who have been raped report the crime. Puzzled by this phenomenon, the Ministry of Justice conducted an investigation, interviewing most of the victims. One finding was that many women remained silent because they experienced pleasure or even orgasm during the rape.
The pleasure derived from being raped is a natural physiological response. While the exact physiological reactions a woman experiences during rape are unpredictable, the vagina naturally secretes fluids to reduce pain from the violence, which can lead to pleasure and even orgasm – a natural response beyond conscious control. However, this does not represent the woman’s will; experiencing physical pleasure does not mean she willingly participates.
I have the answer to my question: if women experience pleasure when they are raped, then it should be normal for them to have unusual physical sensations when climbing trees or reading romance novels! After this reasoning, I suddenly felt much better, but I still felt inferior because I was so sensitive to pleasure.
4
When I was in college, Xiaoya, my roommate, revealed a secret that completely dispelled my lingering fear of “climbing trees.”
Xiaoya is the prettiest girl in our class. She has a beautiful face and a hot figure. Xiaoya is sexy and charming, and naturally becomes the target of many suitors. Many boys pursue her, but she doesn’t like any of them.
I noticed that Xiaoya has a habit: she always sleeps with her legs tucked under the blanket, looking quite content. Looking at her suggestive posture, I wondered if Xiaoya, like me, had some unspeakable little secret.
When I asked her about it, she said that sleeping like that was very comfortable and relaxing, and she slept soundly, nothing to worry about. I felt she was lying; she was secretly enjoying a faint sexual pleasure while sleeping. My guess was right. Later, Xiaoya secretly told me that her bad habit of sleeping with the blanket between her legs was hard to break, and she was worried about it. We seemed to be in the same boat, sharing our secrets and deciding to find a solution together.
Whether it was seeing Xiaoya’s sleeping posture or learning that raped women experience pleasure, these facts comforted and relieved his years of shame. He began to mentally discard the embarrassment of climbing trees, which had suppressed him for so many years, and began to see it as a normal physiological reaction.
Having let go of that incident, I’m no longer filled with fear. I’ve gained confidence and can interact with people normally. I no longer refuse to meet with male classmates. People say I’m like a different person, more cheerful, warm, and friendly.
5
I saw a news story in a magazine: A five-year-old girl would often sneak into her mother’s room, straddle the foot of the bed, and rub her legs against the bedpost. After a few minutes, the child’s face would turn noticeably flushed, and she would show a happy and comfortable expression. The girl’s mother observed this several times and, after questioning her, determined that the little girl was playing a sexual game and was experiencing pleasure from it.
The little girl experienced pleasure even earlier than I did, so what’s there to be afraid of? You’re just worrying unnecessarily!
It’s normal for a woman’s genitals to experience sexual pleasure when touched; it’s a purely physiological response. It’s not dirty, and there’s no need to feel ashamed about it. However, during my formative years, because I didn’t seek answers to the problems I encountered through normal channels, I fell into a deep abyss. In my confusion, I even believed myself to be a despicable girl. If I had consulted my mother or looked for relevant books, the problems could have been solved. Instead, I relied on my own imagination, conjecture, and even sought answers through unconventional means like novels, causing me to stray further and further down the wrong path.
It is hoped that in the future, more people can receive comprehensive sex education from a young age, face their desires squarely, and take control of their bodies.
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