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Return To ShopBreaking the Silence: Why Female Self-Care Remains a Taboo
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Looking back at the teenage years when girls’ desires were hidden, it is actually perfectly natural for girls to masturbate and have sexual desires!
Text by Irene Lei, Design by Mengmeng
If masturbation is a shared “youthful memory” for teenage boys, then why don’t teenage girls have similar experiences?
“Hey, do you masturbate?” C asked Y during a casual chat on their way home from school during their senior year of high school.
“No, I don’t have that need. Do you?” Y glanced at C.
“I don’t know either,” C said. She knew she was lying.
A brief silence fell, and their pleated skirts fluttered slightly in the breeze.
There is a type of creature called “uniformed girls,” who embody unrealistic and innocent fantasies about women.
Teenagers are easily influenced by peer pressure, and most of them try to avoid becoming “outcasts” in their groups.
Girls can’t talk about masturbation as casually as boys, or even “compete” with each other (see below) or use it as a tool to show off. When no one around them talks about sex openly (regardless of whether they are being honest XD), it seems to be the simplest and safest thing for a girl to do to avoid seeming awkward or strange, by simply agreeing with “Oh! I don’t either!”
This sense of shame and guilt can be partly attributed to the failure of sex education. Girls are often told that sex is dangerous and bad, for example, that being too promiscuous may get them into trouble—as if a pure and innocent image is what a female student should be like.
Recommended reading:Who wants “cleanliness”? Adolescence: Forgotten sensory memories.
Originally well-intentioned protective education for girls has ironically led to the forced disappearance of “sex” in the girls’ growth process—not that it doesn’t exist, but that it is suppressed.
It seems unfair that moral values and societal expectations force young women to uphold the chastity of a “good wife.”
Those Years, Our Unspoken Desires
During high school, a male friend told me that he and others were competing.
“What are we comparing?”
“A contest to see who can resist masturbating for the longest time.”
“…That’s so stupid.” That’s what I said, but looking at him seriously calculating the number of days, I actually found it quite funny.
If you were in eighth grade, you’ll probably remember the scene in the movie “You Are the Apple of My Eye” where boys masturbate in class. In real life, doing that in class might be too extreme, but the act of “masturbating” certainly resonated with many men’s memories of puberty.
However, masturbation and sexual fantasies are often hidden in the shadows during a girl’s adolescence. Just think, how many films and television shows dare to depict, without any hesitation, how girls “explore themselves”?
Are there fewer girls who know how to DIY, or fewer girls who dare to speak up?
C started masturbating in the later years of elementary school—around the same time most boys start. But it seemed like no girls around her did the same, so she never dared to tell anyone, and the girls didn’t really discuss this topic among themselves.
Is it just a myth that men have a stronger sex drive than women?
When a young girl’s sexual desires are suppressed, she is more likely to become passive in sexual activity at the beginning of a relationship, losing her bodily autonomy. Are women’s sexual desires really weaker than men’s? Sometimes, dominant sexual relationships between men and women stem not only from physiological differences but may also be a result of acquired cultural influences.
Exploring one’s own desires is actually a process of shaping self-awareness. However, when a young girl’s desires are forced into hiding, becoming an unspeakable secret, where does the exploration and shaping come from?
Recommended reading:Sex expert’s erotic lesson: Want a better sexual experience? Start by improving your masturbation habits.
Let’s go back to the story at the beginning. Years later, at a college reunion, the girls were talking about porn.
“I’m not really into those kinds of stories that have no plot and only physical intimacy,” C shook his head.
“So you’ll come by yourself?” Y asked.
“Yes, I do. Don’t you?” As the wine flowed and conversation became more familiar, C felt there was nothing left to hide.
“Of course, haha,” Y said with a laugh.
C was slightly startled, but pretended nothing was wrong and continued chatting. She recalled their casual conversation on the way home from school in their senior year of high school; it turned out that Y had also lied back then. Usually, after entering university, girls take off their uniforms, and everything starts to change—sex is no longer a shameful thing, but a topic that can be discussed casually with close friends.
Looking back, we find that many people’s teenage years were forced into a strange image of “pure and innocent”.
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