A Guide to Tender Intimacy for Lesbian Partners

The blushing editor says:

Blushingly, I believe that love isn’t just one kind. Between men and women, women and women, or men and men—what’s wrong with love if there’s mutual affection? After the lesbian sex workshop: Nine diagrams to deepen your love , listen to a lesbian teach you the fundamentals of sex, including gentle finger play.

Gentle finger intercourse

Before engaging in finger play, the first thing to do is to trim your nails and wash your hands thoroughly. If you’re going to trim your nails , use a nail file with you. Freshly trimmed nails are quite sharp. I’m sure everyone has had the experience of scratching their nails right after trimming them, right? And the scratched areas will leave red marks, won’t they?

Imagine if this happened inside the clitoris or vagina; it would definitely cause discomfort and wounds. So always remember to be prepared – trim your nails (and round them), and wash your hands thoroughly! There’s also a great hygiene aid available now – finger protectors, which, as the name suggests, are for protecting your fingers. Used during finger sex, they protect your partner’s body from cuts and bruises caused by friction, or infections from bacteria under the nails. They also provide protection in situations where handwashing is inconvenient.

Fingering is probably the most common sexual activity among lesbians. More than 88% of lesbians said that fingering is the sex they use most often. Whether it is rubbing the clitoris or the whole vulva, or penetrating the vagina or anus, fingers are a very common sex tool. So taking good care of fingers is also an important task for lesbians!

Before we begin the actual practice, I would like you to place the pads of your index and middle fingers on the back of your other hand and try to do the following different movements: gently place them in a circle (Figure 3-4), steadily tap (Figure 3-5), gently press left and right (Figure 3-6), or move them up and down (Figure 3-7). Please feel the difference between these movements on the back of your hand. Then you can try to do the same movements for ten minutes in a row. 　　

(Figure 3-7) Usually, if you only do it for a short time, you will only use the muscles from your palm to your wrist. However, if you do it continuously for more than ten minutes, the muscles in your arms will move together and you will not feel so tired.

These are some of the most common movements when you’re rubbing your clitoris. Everyone has different preferences for spots and movements, and everyone can maintain the position for a different amount of time. If the attacker can make circles around the clitoris for a long time, and the receiver also likes it, then of course it’s perfect. But often things don’t go as planned. If your partner likes to tap the same spot lightly, but you can only move left and right, isn’t that frustrating? So, try to feel and experiment with these different sensations of being touched, observe what your partner likes, and combine that with muscle stability training. You can become your partner’s “golden right/left hand”!

rubbing the clitoris

Because the clitoris and penis are constructed from similar spongy tissue, as the body gradually receives sexual stimulation and desire arose, the labia majora would slowly open to receive more stimulation, and the clitoris would also become engorged with blood and swell. At this time, you would easily see or feel the clitoris. ( The clitoris, the mysterious C-spot on a woman’s body )

But like with nipples, don’t immediately go for a strong, forceful attack on the clitoris, as it’s extremely sensitive with over 8,000 nerve endings. It’s recommended to start by circling the clitoris (Figure 3-8) to allow her to adjust to the pressure, then begin gently stroking. After a few minutes, you can try increasing the pressure; sometimes, with a little more force, she’ll feel the pubic bone nearby. In short, try gradually increasing the pressure. I suggest using three to four different levels of pressure, combined with the movements we practiced in the previous section, and again, pay attention to her body’s reactions. ( Give her an orgasm with just touching! Five secret techniques for clitoral caress ) 　　

When touching the clitoris, it’s not enough to just focus on the genitals; that would be too boring for the recipient. If you’re the one initiating contact, use one hand to caress the genitals and the other to support your body, while also using your mouth! Say things you both enjoy hearing, or kiss the breasts or lips simultaneously. The reason sex is so interesting and intimate is because the interaction brings two people closer, both physically and emotionally. So, the recipient’s role isn’t just to be touched. While being touched, you can also reach back and touch each other’s genitals. Lying face-to-face on your sides, you can simultaneously caress each other’s genitals and enjoy the pleasure of interaction.

If you find this position difficult, caressing your partner’s breasts, erogenous zones, or kissing their ears and lips are also good options. A woman’s orgasm usually requires some build-up, like climbing a mountain; after some effort, you’ll reach the summit and see the beautiful scenery. If you feel your partner’s muscles gradually tightening, or even experiencing slight tremors, their orgasm is likely approaching, but you’ll still need to help. The closer they get to orgasm, the more consistent the frequency of your caresses should be, or gradually increase the speed.

If your partner’s body starts to twitch slightly, don’t stop. If her body is writhing violently, try to continue stroking her in rhythm with her movements. When orgasm comes, it sometimes comes in waves like a tide. If her genitals become very sensitive, you can remove your hands, hug her, and wait for the orgasm to pass. Say something she likes to hear to make a perfect ending. ( 【Lesbian Talk】Our First Orgasm ) 　　

Should we go in? Or should we come out?

Some women may reach orgasm after stimulating their clitoris for a while, without necessarily needing vaginal penetration. However, some women may actually crave penetration, or this may occur alternately depending on their individual physical condition. Remember what we mentioned earlier: the vagina isn’t a straight passage. So, when penetrating, you should first slowly feel along the vaginal walls to get a feel for its direction. Everyone’s vaginal shape and length are different, so be careful the first time. If you accidentally poke too hard and hurt your partner, they might kick you off the bed!

Once the vagina has adjusted to the insertion of your finger, you can begin your movements. Inside the vagina, you can choose from actions such as circling along the vaginal wall, thrusting in and out, or stimulating a sensitive spot on the vaginal wall in turn. Of course, you are welcome to use your own creative combinations or imagination.

Similar to clitoral rubbing, it’s generally recommended to start slowly and gradually increase the speed. The pressure here is usually greater than with clitoral rubbing, but this also depends on individual preferences. Due to the angle and movement of penetration, one hand will often need to act as a support for your body. In this case, kneeling beside your partner is a good position. Although the bodies will be further apart, it’s easier for the dominant to apply pressure. You can also use your other hand to caress other parts of the body. Because of this position, the submissive can also adjust their hand to caress the dominant’s genitals or other sensitive areas, greatly increasing the interactivity. (You might also like: [Lesbian Talk] Skillful Finger Use Leads to Better Orgasms )

Once inside the vagina, you can feel the different sensations at one finger’s width versus two finger’s width. Some women typically have a sensitive area about one finger’s width from the vaginal opening (commonly called the G-spot, though some sexologists question its existence). ( Is the G-spot actually a white lie? )

During penetration, the fingertips can rub back and forth along these two sensitive areas of the vaginal wall. Use the pressure from the fingers to the back of the hand, not the strength of the entire arm. Some women prefer a more vigorous sexual experience or atmosphere; in this case, you can use the strength of your entire arm for thrusting, which will be more powerful than simply using your forearm. If you can insert more than one finger, you can gradually increase the number. If you can insert two fingers, you can mimic a piano-playing motion, quickly tapping the vaginal wall with both fingers. Remember, regardless of the pressure, consistent stimulation of the sensitive spots on the vaginal wall will bring the recipient great pleasure, leading to a pleasurable orgasm. 　　

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A Guide to Tender Intimacy for Lesbian Partners