The Woman Who Dared to Publicize Her Sex Life and Be a Mistress – Yan Lingyang Tells Her Real Fate

I really want to write about Mu Zimei, but I’m hesitant because I’m afraid she’ll tear me apart, since I’m no match for her. I reckon I’d be ripped to shreds before I even open my mouth.

She’s clashed with Lu Jinbo, with Li Yinhe, with Fang Zhouzi, with Ma Weiwei, with Zuo Li, and with Mao Li …

Honestly, no one can out-criticize her, because everyone who criticizes her is clothed, while Mu Zimei herself is naked, and she doesn’t care at all if you laugh at her for being naked.

Mu Zimei became famous during the blog era because she published her sex diary, “The Letter of Lost Love,” online, revealing her sexual escapades with rock singer Wang Lei.

This sparked the “Mu Zimei phenomenon” online, and Mu Zimei became the subject of heated discussions.

And then, she became famous.

Wang Lei was furious after the news broke.

In an interview, he said, “So what if it is? But Mu Zimei is really immoral. I didn’t know she was a female editor before I did it, and I didn’t expect her to write about this. Besides, it’s not a sin for a man to be promiscuous. Many rock singers abroad release their sexual desires in this way. Sex and morality should be viewed separately. Just because I, Wang Lei, had a one-night stand with Mu Zimei doesn’t mean that I am morally corrupt.”

These words were spoken in a particularly angry and exasperated manner, but for some reason, many people felt a secret sense of satisfaction. After all, there are too many hypocrites in this world, who appear virtuous on the surface but are actually immoral and depraved behind the scenes. Mu Zimei has directly exposed their true colors.

She slept with married men and then published their information online without missing a single word. It seems incredibly unethical, yet it also evokes a knowing smile: it was consensual, and the men all thought it was a fun one-night stand, that they had gotten a good deal. But in the blink of an eye, they discovered they had been sold out.

To put it another way, this can also be called eliminating a scourge for the people.

Writer Huang Aidong said, ” She merely consumed male beauty from a female perspective—in this sense, Mu Zimei can be considered a female Che Guevara, which is quite subversive. “

Of course, if it were a man doing this, he would be drowned in spitting criticism if he wrote down the performances of the women he had slept with.

Because women pay a far greater price for violating sexual morality than men. If a woman’s details are exposed, she might not even have a chance to survive, while a man, if exposed, only needs to blush for a while.

If a man sells himself to a promiscuous woman, he’ll be condemned by heaven and earth; but if Mu Zimei sells herself to a scoundrel, she’s considered frivolous and irresponsible. In this sense, Mu Zimei’s fame is built on the fertile ground of a resurgence and flourishing of female consciousness.

Mu Zimei has always openly shared her sexual experiences online without any taboos, even writing down the names of the men she had relationships with, regardless of whether this behavior might hurt them or provoke their anger and retaliation.

When Zhang Xinyi divorced her ex-husband Yang Shupeng, Mu Zimei took the opportunity to expose that Yang Shupeng had emailed her asking for her nude photos, which disgusted Zhang Xinyi.

Many readers exclaimed in amazement: “My God, there really is a woman like Mu Zimei in this world.”

Mu Zimei became famous earlier than Sister Furong and Sister Feng, and she used a bolder, crazier, and somewhat vulgar approach.

In a sense, she was the first generation of “internet celebrity.” While others need promoters and behind-the-scenes teams to put on a show, she relied entirely on herself.

Mu Zimei became famous in 2003. Other internet celebrities of her time included “Zhuying Qingtong” and “Liumang Yan”.

In 2004 , a female university teacher in Guangzhou, whose online name was “Bamboo Shadow Green Eyes,” posted text with nude photos of herself on her personal blog on the Tianya virtual community and updated it in real time.

“To be both a talented woman and a beautiful woman” is her blog motto.

In less than a month, the number of views on her nude photos soared to over 130,000 .

On May 14 , 2005 , a woman with the online name “Rogue Swallow” bravely posted a clear half-naked photo of herself on the “Tianya True Self” section of Tianya Community, which drew cheers from the crowd.

The next morning, eagerly awaiting netizens were finally treated to an even more thrilling scene: Liu Mangyan’s full-body nude photos were unveiled in full view of everyone. This sparked a heated debate among netizens. As a result, Tianya’s servers crashed due to excessive browsing…

According to netizens, Liumangyan is already a mother…

Ten years have passed, and “Bamboo Shadow and Green Eyes” and “Rogue Swallow” have almost disappeared. Only Mu Zimei has become “Teacher Mu”, and fans affectionately call her “Mu Mu”.

Perhaps because of her high intelligence and logical thinking, Mu Zimei’s ability to put on a show and promote herself is clearly on a higher level, and she has carried this ability into the Weibo era.

I used to follow her on Weibo and even bought her books. Although I don’t remember anything she wrote now, I do remember that she invented a way to promote her books: online signing.

The so-called online signing is simply that when a fan buys a book, they take a picture and send it to her, which she then reposts. In this way, just by promoting it on Weibo, her book sold 20,000 copies early on.

Later, she started offering relationship counseling and publicly responding to questions. Every single response was incredibly insightful, sharp, and some were even incredibly heartwarming. To the point that after reading her public responses, I felt that all the other relationship experts’ replies were utter garbage .

In these question-and-answer sessions, Mu Zimei meticulously analyzes the situations of both sides, revealing their individual calculations, bargaining chips, and escape routes with remarkable clarity. Her analysis may appear detached, but her heart is warm, making each piece a thoroughly enjoyable read.

Of course, Mu Zimei’s actions in real life are completely contrary to the values she advocates in emotional counseling.

Several years ago, she fell in love with a taxi driver and became his mistress. The driver didn’t want a divorce, and neither did his wife, so the three of them had been “enjoying” this relationship for a long time.

Mu Zimei graduated from the Department of Philosophy at Sun Yat-sen University. She is very smart, has a very strong logical thinking ability, and is quite good at expressing herself and self-marketing. But I always feel that something is wrong with her, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

In her earlier years, she championed sexual liberation and despised the institution of marriage. She claimed that male journalists who wanted to interview her had to sleep with her first, and she frequently used Weibo to arrange casual sex, specifically requesting married men.

Like all women who are initially reserved but later become unrestrained, Mu Zimei’s transformation stemmed from a romantic experience, which she herself regarded as a major turning point in her life.

She once summarized it like this: “I bought the wrong birth control pills the first time I ever bought them, I got pregnant the first time I had sex, and the man I had sex with the first time disappeared. This was the most dramatic and tragic event in my life… After he hurt me, I was no longer afraid of any hurt… This is how my gaming career began.”

Many women have loved scumbags during their growth and have been hurt by them, but many of them do not give in to this and live a carefree life. But Mu Zimei does.

The reason for this probably lies in her family of origin.

I read an article by Mu Zimei about her family of origin, and it was incredibly depressing. After reading it, I had only one thought: life is truly bitter.

As a child, Mu Zimei did not receive enough love from her parents and had countless acts of self-harm, such as “burning her tiger’s mouth with cigarette butts” and “self-harming in front of her mother because she could not get first place in the exam, cutting her knees with a razor blade until they bled profusely.”

In college, she pursued individuality and was the first girl in the entire school to shave her head, simply to be different.

There is nothing wrong with seeking to be different and seeking attention. Perhaps Mu Zimei herself is unaware of this, or perhaps she is unwilling to admit it, but for her, gaining more attention and receiving love that makes her feel safe is an urgent psychological need.

I feel that Mu Zimei lacks the ability to trust others. Perhaps she has given her trust before, but once she felt frustrated, she completely withdrew her trust and turned to treat everything with a mocking attitude.

The method she used was sex.

Sex is something Chinese people are ashamed to talk about, which is why she became famous.

How to understand Mu Zimei’s unrestrained behavior?

American psychoanalyst Karen Horney once said, ” Many things that appear to be related to sexual desire actually have nothing to do with it; they merely express a desire for security. “

Could we understand it this way: many people are addicted to sex because they lack a sense of security, which leads to anxiety?

Especially for those who have lost hope in true love, sexual relationships may be their only way to connect with the outside world, and the only way for them to feel needed and accompanied.

They become anxious and insecure when they lack sex. The quickest way to cure this anxiety is to seek another sexual relationship, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle.

In the end, they may not only fail to find true love and security, but they may also lose their physical satisfaction and pleasure. Mu Zimei herself has admitted that she did not feel much pleasure whether it was masturbation or casual sex .

This is a classic example of drinking poison to quench thirst.

For a time, Mu Zimei started looking for a husband, saying that she had reformed herself.

She posted this marriage advertisement: “I hope the other party is a man between 23 and 35 years old who understands and accepts Mu Zimei, and is willing to live together legally. Friends who want to use this opportunity to become famous, please stop.”

She once hoped that society would adapt to her, but later she began to want to adapt to society.

I was particularly surprised that Mu Zimei would fall for a driver. I’ve read her anecdotes about her and the driver, and they were very touching, but the thought of their relationship made me feel uneasy.

She and he had broken up before, and it was clear that she was truly in love. The driver, on the other hand, obviously loved neither his wife nor his mistress, only himself.

Mu Zimei tried her best to beautify this relationship and even once gave a course on her public account, explaining how to play the game of having an extramarital affair, but it still made people feel a bit like, “Hahahaha.”

No matter how she tries to romanticize her relationship with the driver, the story is actually quite cliché.

The driver wasn’t well-off, and a single woman who wasn’t particularly beautiful took a liking to him. The woman wanted to sleep with him, and he figured he might as well do it, so he did.

After they finished, the single woman wanted to continue the relationship long-term. He hesitated, thinking of his elderly mother, wife, and children. The single woman, with a quick glint in her eye, gave him a large ingot of silver. He thought about it and agreed. After that, whenever he did something for the single woman, she would reward him.

The driver told his wife about it when he got home. At first, she couldn’t accept it, but then she thought it was a good deal for her, so she turned a blind eye to it. She thought that as long as he didn’t spend the family’s money, it would be fine. It would be even better if he could get some money from single women.

From then on, the driver became addicted to single women, and the two women and one man have been living together harmoniously ever since.

We find it absurd, but the people involved seem to enjoy it immensely. Mu Zimei is very eloquent when analyzing other people’s relationships, but when it comes to her own, she appears extremely confused, and tries her best to beautify this confusion.

One minute she’s arguing with the driver’s wife, the next she’s complaining about how stingy the driver is, and then she’s agonizing over whether or not to have a child with him… We can only say that Mu Zimei is probably so starved for love that she’s so greedy for the little bit of warmth that this cunning driver offers.

Having experienced hunger in her childhood, she has never had enough to eat in her life. I admire Mu Zimei’s logical thinking and writing style, but I cannot condone her behavior. Every time I see her acting foolishly, I feel uneasy and think: Hmm, Mu Zimei is indeed a spectacle, but if we don’t want our daughters to grow up to be like her, perhaps we would know what to do now.