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Return To Shop50 Short Stories of People Living in Beijing, Part 23: Unbearable Emotional Wounds
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That summer when he was 16, Xiao Wu, dark-skinned, thin, and short, left his remote mountain hometown by high-speed rail for the first time. He left with his nearly 60-year-old cousin, a carpenter. His cousin no longer wanted to support him; there were too many expenses—his child’s university education, buying a house, getting married—that Xiao Wu would need, and he was powerless to help. He felt he should take Xiao Wu to find his mother, but initially Xiao Wu refused to see the woman who had heartlessly abandoned him. After more than half a year, he finally agreed. He wanted to go to Beijing; after all, there was still a woman in Beijing who wanted to see him and had raised him for four years.
In the morning mist, they set off. The old house in front of the bamboo grove, which looked like it was about to collapse, was unlocked. The carpenter, wearing liberation shoes, walked ahead, while Xiao Wu, carrying a backpack with a few books, followed softly behind. They remained silent for over an hour before arriving in town. The carpenter bought a few pounds of fruit and stuffed it into Xiao Wu’s backpack, then they ate breakfast together at a roadside stall. The bus to the city finally arrived, and they caught up with it as it billowed smoke—sitting in the last row. Soon, the carpenter fell asleep, emitting a heavy, familiar nasal sound. Xiao Wu stared blankly out the window.
I’m old and have no strength left. A few days before I left, the carpenter told Xiao Wu, “You should go find your mother. She still loves you. If possible, you should live together again.” Xiao Wu had no memory of the woman who gave birth to him. He only knew that since he could remember, no woman had ever held him, loved him, or even had a man—Xiao Wu’s father died when he was five years old in an accident he still couldn’t understand. Later, the carpenter took him in. For the first few years, until he went to junior high school, Xiao Wu didn’t dislike his carpenter uncle. Later, however, he became prone to anger. Whenever he lost his temper, his bloodshot, bulging eyes and the deep wrinkles on his forehead always terrified Xiao Wu.
At dawn the next day, standing in the square of Beijing West Railway Station, Xiao Wu saw so many people and so many tall buildings for the first time. He gazed greedily at this unfamiliar world, constantly looking around. A woman appeared under the flagpole—his mother. She was short, with a broad, full forehead, long, reddish-brown hair, wearing blue trousers and red sandals. At first glance, Xiao Wu didn’t think this was his blood-related mother; she seemed more like a fellow villager speaking his local dialect. She was talking to his uncle, whose harsh voice Xiao Wu didn’t want to listen to any longer. He resumed his intrigued observation of this unfamiliar Beijing.
A little while later, Xiao Wu’s mother led them off the bus at a place called Yuquanying, and then to a small restaurant in an alley. Just as they were eating their four dishes and a soup, a burly man appeared—the two men exchanged pleasantries while the mother and Xiao Wu spoke. Many years later, it was difficult for Xiao Wu and his mother to have such intimate and uninhibited conversations. Faced with some seemingly abrupt questions, Xiao Wu genuinely suspected that he had once nursed her, slept in her arms… His mother’s home was a cramped, single-story house deep in this alley. “Old Zhu, Wu Zi…you’ll have to make do sleeping here for the next few days…” Although his mother was kind and gentle, Xiao Wu still felt he didn’t belong in this family.
After resting for a few hours, his mother wanted to take them to Tiananmen Square. This was Xiao Wu’s happiest moment. He gazed at the Tiananmen Gate Tower under the blue sky for a long time, recalling the historical events he had read about in books—his uncle and mother seemed to have a lot to talk about, and his uncle’s wrinkles always looked kind. “I’ve wanted to come for years, I’ll never forget you.” “Those years, our lives were so good.” “Back then, everyone said you were beautiful, and you still are now.” Xiao Wu found some of these words suspicious. While resting on a bench by the moat, Xiao Wu saw his mother and uncle very close, at one point even nestled in his arms. Standing under a weeping willow, Xiao Wu looked at the corner tower of the Forbidden City, still pondering the ingenuity of the ancient craftsmen… Many things intertwined in Xiao Wu’s mind, accompanied by hope and sorrow, happiness and loneliness.
That evening, the four of them ate out again, and the two men even drank alcohol. “I have to go back tomorrow, I still have a lot of work to do.” “You’ve come all this way, stay a few more days.” “Beijing is nice, but it’s not a place I can stay.” “But I’ve stayed, haven’t I? Back then, I wasn’t as good as you at work!” “Is it easy to make money in Beijing? Will anyone still want my carpentry skills?” “No matter what you do, having a warm home in Beijing isn’t easy, but having a place that’s not cold isn’t difficult!” As they talked, the two men were already drunk. The mother and Xiao Wu helped the two men walk with difficulty under the dim streetlights—at this moment, the countryside was pitch black. Xiao Wu thought that, practically speaking, he should stay and wait for his mother to find him a job or teach him a skill… By the end of the day, Beijing had strongly attracted him.
His mother and stepfather slept on a large bed, while Xiao Wu and his uncle slept on straw mats on the floor. In the dead of night, waking from a dream a mix of sweet and nightmares, Xiao Wu was shocked to find his uncle, now sitting up, stroking his mother’s body as she slept fully clothed. Xiao Wu held his breath. The night was far from quiet; the faint sounds of the bustling market drifted in. In the moonlight, his uncle’s expression was lewd—the stories of the two families were already piecing together in Xiao Wu’s mind: a couple who had once been lovers, reunited after 11 years… His mother now lived in Beijing with a small-time contractor from the same town, their lives peaceful, neither good nor bad… A boy was already living among them, and it seemed his life wouldn’t be happy with either of them…
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