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Return To ShopLetter from an Unknown Woman: Loving oneself is a lifelong practice for women.
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Every time I read Zweig’s “Letter from an Unknown Woman,” I am deeply moved, moved by a woman’s lifelong, one-sided devotion, and even more heartbroken by her desperate gamble for love.
She dedicated her entire life to a man who never remembered her, and felt it wasn’t worth it.
It can be said that this tragedy, which spanned a lifetime, did not stem from unrequited love, but from loving too much and losing her bottom line. Apart from moving herself, it had no real meaning.
Ultimately, it was only after rereading “Letter from an Unknown Woman” that I understood that loving oneself is a lifelong practice for women.
1. People who love too much relinquish control of their lives from the very beginning.
The story begins in an ordinary alley in Vienna, where a thirteen-year-old girl’s heart flutters.
She and her mother depended on each other for survival. Their life was hard and monotonous, and her world was small and closed off.
And he was Mr. R, a famous writer who moved next door. He was young, handsome, and talented, and his life was full of flowers, applause, and excitement.
His appearance was like a ray of light, instantly illuminating the girl’s bleak adolescence.
From the moment this girl first saw him, her life completely lost its bearings.
In her world, there were no more studies, friends, or life; only him remained.
She would spend all day peering through the peephole, observing his every move, treating the doorknobs he touched as treasures, and secretly picking up and keeping the scraps of paper he threw away.
Moreover, in the dead of winter nights, she would stand downstairs just to catch a glimpse of the light in his room.
In fact, in order to understand the books he wrote, she, whose grades were originally mediocre, studied desperately, just to be closer to him.
Originally, this youthful infatuation was a beautiful thrill in her youth, but she loved too much and had already completely handed over the reins of her life to this man.
Therefore, when her mother remarried and wanted to move to another city, she resisted desperately, just to stay by his side.
After her resistance proved fruitless, she spent two years in a foreign land rejecting all advances from her peers, cutting off all social interactions, isolating herself, and thinking day and night about how to return to his side.
Just after turning eighteen, she returned to Vienna alone and worked hard in a factory. Every day after get off work, she would stand downstairs at his building, waiting day after day, just to catch a glimpse of him.
She has never lived a single day of her life for herself.
All her choices, all her joys and sorrows, revolved around a man who didn’t even know she existed.
And so, she devoted her entire life to this one-sided love.
In reality, many women have made the same mistake as her.
Once you fall in love, you make your partner your whole life and tie all your joys and sorrows to them.
For example, for the sake of the other person, one might give up their job, abandon their social circle, put aside their passions, and completely hand over control of their life to the other person.
However, love is not everything in life. When you completely entrust your life to another person, you are destined to be passive and destined to get hurt.
Therefore, those who love too much have already lost from the start, because they have given up control over their own lives, so how can they expect others to take responsibility for their lives?
Second, those who shamelessly lower themselves will not be appreciated.
Zweig wrote in the book: “I plunged headlong into my fate as if into an abyss.”
This strange woman’s fate was sealed the moment she willingly lowered herself.
She loved too humbly, too without limits, lowering herself to the dust, unaware that no one would fall in love with someone who is so humble.
She finally got the chance to meet him. They met three times and were affectionate three times, but he never recognized her as the little girl next door from back then, and he never even asked her name.
In his eyes, she was nothing more than an insignificant passerby among countless romantic encounters, someone he would forget as soon as he turned away.
However, she never complained, never questioned, and never asked for anything.
Even though he forgot her time and time again, never gave her any title, and never truly cared about her, she was still willing to give and accommodate him without any limits.
Later, she became pregnant with his child. In order not to make things difficult for him or put any burden on him, she chose to leave alone, shoulder all the hardships, and give birth to the child.
Moreover, in order to provide her child with a comfortable life, she did not hesitate to submit to a wealthy man and abandon her dignity.
Even with a stable life readily available to her, she always cherished her love for him, and would rush to his side without hesitation at his call.
She never made any demands on him, never made him take any responsibility, and even sent him white roses anonymously every year on his birthday. Like a transparent person, she silently guarded the edge of his world, giving her all without asking for anything in return.
She thought that this selfless devotion would eventually earn her a little bit of his attention and sincerity.
However, reality gave her the cruelest answer.
Their last encounter, after a night of intimacy, still didn’t recognize her. He even secretly slipped a few banknotes into her handbag as she left.
In his eyes, the woman who loved him her whole life was nothing more than a prostitute who could be bought off with money.
This banknote became the last straw that broke her back, and the most ironic footnote to this love affair that she poured her whole life into.
She spent her whole life lowering herself without limits, giving her all to love someone, only to be met not with appreciation, but with utter contempt and oblivion.
In life, some women always think that as long as they give enough, love enough, lower their bottom line, and accommodate all the other person’s demands, they can win the other person’s true heart.
But in the end, you realize that the more you give without limits, the less the other person values you.
You love too much, which makes your love cheap, and you even lose the right to be cherished.
Good love is not about one person’s humble sacrifice, but about the equality and respect between two people.
If you don’t even respect yourself and can’t even uphold your own bottom line, how can you expect others to cherish you?
Third, a woman’s highest level of clarity is loving herself first and then loving others.
In the end, the child died of illness, and the woman’s life also came to an end.
Before she died, she wrote this long letter, telling him the whole secret of how she had loved him her whole life.
She spent her entire life performing a one-woman show that only moved herself.
Unfortunately, this deep affection, which she poured out her entire life for, was nothing more than a sudden shock to that man.
He finished reading the letter, his heart filled with unease and guilt, but he couldn’t recall the woman’s face at all, nor could he remember any of their encounters.
She thought her love was great and selfless, but in essence, it was nothing more than a self-sacrifice in the name of love.
For a love that was ultimately meaningless, she gave up her life, lost her dignity, and sacrificed her entire existence, leaving behind nothing but scars and endless regrets.
The most profound message of this book is not actually praising this extreme unrequited love, but rather telling all women:
Love is not your everything. Don’t love too much, and don’t lose yourself for anyone.
The highest level of clarity a woman can achieve is to love herself first, and then love others.
True love is never a one-sided, self-destructive act, but rather equal respect, a balance of power where you are good and I am not bad either.
A clear-headed woman will treat every relationship with sincerity, but she will never abandon her principles or lose her life for anyone.
Therefore, if you want to be cherished, you must first learn to cherish yourself. Only when you have your own independent life will your love have weight and be cherished by others.
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